“People who don’t want to be parents. Making mistakes along the way, which you will absolutely do, I have no doubt, doesn’t take away your parent card, Shay. You panicking about it makes you a better parent than you already realize. Take it as it comes.”
Pushing his body upright, his elbows rest on his knees. “I caught Jesse going through my shit today.”
I frown, removing it from my face before he turns to look at me. “He’s sixteen. He’s used to hustling to survive. You didn’t go all Rocco on him, did you?”
That makes him laugh.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Did your head start spinning around on your neck? Did you rip your shirt open and bang on your chest like an animal ready to fucking attack?”
“No,” he bites out defensively. “We had a fuckin’ conversation.”
Arms crossing over my chest in awe, I smile wide. “Look at you being a dad.”
Moving to his feet, he grabs my ankle, pulling me down the bed. I squeal, the sound echoing through the room.
“Shh.” He laughs lightly, hand cupping my mouth to cut off the sound.
I lick his hand.
“Didn’t realize the whole daddy thing would make you hot.” He releases my mouth, grinning down at me.
Palm to his face, I push him away. “Gross.”
“Distract me for a bit?” His mouth moves to my neck, his teeth skating across the delicate skin tenderly.
Tenderly. Never a word I’d associate with Rocco Shay, but here we are.
Hands to his cheeks, I pull his face to mine, letting my mouth find his.
He’s overwhelmed and elated, but so far down in his own tunnel of self-doubt, he can’t see straight. He’s geared himself up for failure, anyone can see that. Too afraid to get too close, but petrified of keeping his distance.
Patience isn’t a virtue Rocco holds in spades. But it’s a quality he knows he’ll have to embrace if he wants to build a lasting relationship with his children.
He spent the day with them both, working to connect in any small way. They’re a closed fucking book though. Their feelings, thoughts, and dare I say it, motives, indecipherable. All I managed to pull out of him so far was that for every step forward, it felt like a falling elevator back down when he’d stumble.
It’s now eleven pm, and after a cumbersome dinner that we clawed through, the twins finally crashed out. Which means, this is the first time we’ve been alone since this morning. Since the moment we promised all in, sealing it with a kiss I won’t soon forget.
I have my doubts that he’s ready to commit to something so significant with everything he has going on, but he seems resolute in his declaration.
He told me he loved me, and maybe I’ll be left broken-hearted in the end, but I believe him.
I’ve avoided relationships since Jonathan for obvious reasons. Trust wasn’t high on my gift list to others. I was afraid and rightfully cautious. I’ve slept with men since Jonathan. I forced myself to claim back my body in a way that I wanted, but I could never lose myself enough in the moment to get out of my head. I let men fuck me for the sake of doing so. I pushed myself to open my legs to prove I could. I didn’t necessarily enjoy it. But I did it. I used faceless men to erase the hold he held over me; in consciousness, in sleep.
Then my feelings for Rocco sparked. Burst to life with butterflies in my stomach and a want to touch him. I longed for him to look at me with desire in his eyes. No matter how much I originally rejected the thought. I wanted his hands on me, caressing my skin, breaking down my walls. I no longer needed to force my legs open, they craved to wrap around him, to feel the strength of his waist between them.
I’m giddy over Rocco Shay and even that thought makes me want to giggle like a schoolgirl. Jesus. I was never this person. Before Jonathan and after. I was never gaga about sex. I enjoyed it, sure, but it was never powerful enough to scatter my brain.
Rocco shot through me like a surprise I wasn’t ready for. The person I’ve learned he is, is healing my heart and mind in a way I didn’t know was possible. Now my body wants him to do the same.