was going on. She got scared and ran. I told him what had happened and he beat the shit outta me for being so stupid. Broke three of my ribs and split open my eye socket. I spent the night in the emergency room and I never saw Kendall again.”
I’ve always hated sympathy. Despised the look of pity that crossed people’s faces. It’s always made me feel weak. But not with Camryn. There’s a tenderness to the way she calls me out. An affinity in the way she listens.
“Do you think…” She trails off, too scared to vocalize what I now already know.
“That my father called his sick-son-of-a-bitch right-hand and demanded he deal with my off the rails booty-call? Yeah, I’m thinking that’s exactly what happened. I just don’t know why he didn’t kill her straight away? Why keep her alive to have to raise her kid?”
“Knowledge is power, Rocco. He had something over you, whether you knew it or not. It made him feel like a King.”
“I’d kill him,” I vow, knowing it’s all in vain. “If I could bring him back to life, I’d kill him. I’d make him pay, make sure he felt everything.”
“The kids were the something that left you,” she surmises. “Not Kendall. The kids.”
She’s thinking about our conversation in the bathroom. The one that stripped us bare and solidified a connection we’re now sewn together by.
“I didn’t realize they were a plural. But yeah, I’ve been searchin’ for Kendall with the sole purpose of findin’ my kid.”
I clear my throat, happy that Camryn still hasn’t removed her hands from my knees. The warmth of her touch is grounding me. In a time when I thought all I needed was pain and violence, she became my beacon.
“I’m sad for Kendall,” I tell her honestly. “But I hate her too, Cami. I fucking despise her. I’m so fucking furious that she let them live that life…”
Unwanted thoughts flood my mind as they’ve done for years. Only now I know they’re not fears, they’re real. My kids weren’t thriving. They weren’t loved and cared for. They weren’t protected. They, like me, like Parker, have had to learn how to survive. When life should’ve been easy and carefree, they were fighting. They’ve struggled. They’ve had no one to lean on, save one another.
“I could’ve… I would’ve given them something better.”
“Maybe,” she counters.
“Maybe?” I feel wounded by her statement. Unsure how to let go of the hurt, I drop my knees, no longer wanting her touch.
“You were angry for a long while, Rocco. You were ready to kill. You were what Kane and Marcus wanted you to be. You may not have been the right place for them either.”
Fuck. Straight for the jugular. “Anyone ever tell you honesty isn’t always the best option.”
Crossing her legs, she sits in front of me. “Is that what you want? Lies to make you feel even worse. Maybe their mom failed them, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t love them the best she could. Who knows what happened to have her become tangled in Marcus’ web? All we know is, that in the end, it was bad enough that she sought to escape the best way she knew how.”
I swallow the bitter pill she all but shoved down my throat.
“They’re forever scarred for whatever that asshole put them through, for what they saw with Kendall. I can’t take that away. I don’t have the power to fix it, to fix them.”
I’m empty. The fight only minutes ago coursing through me having dissipated into nothing. Into numbness. I’m broken and tired.
“You don’t fix them,” she declares indignantly. “You make sure this next phase of their lives is a new world. One of love and acceptance. You show them there is no longer anything to fear.”
My eyes sting. My heart aches.
“You’re one hundred percent right though, you can’t take away their past. But scars of yesterday aren’t ugly scrapes on our souls that will forever mar us as imperfect. They’re survival wounds, Rocco, ones we’ve fought tooth and nail for. They’re perfect, no matter how unsightly they look. Your kids are strong. They’re survivors. Exactly like you and Parker.”
“How do you do it?” I ask.
“Do what?”
“Pull my guard down before I’ve realized. Make me show you my insides without my permission. I give you everything. I give you all of me... all before I’ve realized it’s happened.”