on Parker’s face. A realization I’ve chosen to ignore for too long dawns on me in another cloud of self-hatred. He wanted this. All along, he wanted, needed the overblown intricacies of Christmas.
And I kept it from him.
He played along with me, shutting it all out, when in reality, even without Mom there, this would’ve let him feel close to her.
“Rocco.” Dominic slaps me on the back, moving into the room, dressed much like Codi and Parker; too festive for my comfort. “Nice to see you moving around, son. Sit, relax.”
I cringe at the endearment. Son. I’m neither. Not familial. Not a fucking child.
Oblivious to the fire raging inside of me, he passes me the hat Codi had attempted to suffocate with me only moments ago. I take it reluctantly, fisting the material roughly.
It’s vexatious; feeling like an unwanted guest when your host insists on acting like you’re family. Especially after the things I’ve done. The damage I’ve caused. I don’t deserve the Rein’s hospitality, yet they moved straight past forgiveness and right into an acceptance I was neither expecting nor wanting.
“I’m actually pretty shattered,” I lie, dropping the hat onto the couch. “Gonna grab some more shut-eye.”
The idea alone is enough to give me hives. I’m going stir fucking crazy in that room. The walls are inching closer together with each day that passes. I’d likely saw off my left arm before torturing myself with another twenty-four hours in the prison of Camryn’s teenage years.
Reminders of her happy childhood amplify my nightmares. I’d leave if I felt healthy enough to do so. But I’ve only just started to kick the fever I was certain was gonna take my life only days ago. It makes me sick to my stomach to admit, but I’d be dead without Camryn Rein. A fact that sits like a tumor within me. Being indebted to anyone is a giant fucking red flag for me. Being indebted to a Rein. Fuck. No.
“Nonsense.” Dominic waves me off. “You’ve done nothing but sleep for days. Being out of that room will do you good. Camryn’s hanging lights along the front. You go help her.”
He turns around without waiting for me to respond and I feel chided. I just got told what to do by a crime boss in a Santa hat. I blink back the irritation bristling between my shoulders, coughing out a disinterested grunt before turning on my feet.
I move out of the room without delay, needing to rest my eardrums from the bleeding lyrics of some tool singing about jingling bells. A hand grasped along the banister, I pause at the first step, eyes falling on the front door. Without second-guessing myself, I move toward it. Not because Dominic told me to, I assure myself; but because I wanna see the Rein’s very own angry elf stringing lights.
Much to my disappointment, she’s not struggling. She’s also not excelling. Her ass is planted along the curb, eyes closed, head tipped back to let the wind whip along her face.
“Most people avoid the wind.”
I struggle to sit, the curb low enough to make my side scream in protest as I maneuver down beside her.
She startles at my voice. “I’m not most people.”
I don’t argue.
She’s been avoiding me for days. Ever since I witnessed a vulnerable moment she’d offer a limb to have kept hidden. She makes Dominic bring me my meds and when she has no choice but to check my wound, she refuses to speak or look me in the eye.
I’m not offended. Fuck, I’m grateful. Her cold-shoulder is the greatest gift this prison has to offer.
I half expect her to stand once I’ve settled, run off to avoid having to converse with me.
“I wish it snowed more in December,” she speaks instead. “Seattle has the shittiest weather across the country, yet, we rarely get a white freaking Christmas.”
“Tragic,” I gripe sarcastically. “Thought you were hanging lights.”
She raises a dark brow. “We have this agreement, Dad and I. He tells me to hang the lights, which is a way to let me escape Codi and her elf-steroided-self. I sit here on the curb, doing nothing and then he does the lights himself.”
I pick up a stone, skipping it across the road, watching it bounce over the asphalt. “Not a fan of Christmas?”
She watches me candidly for a beat. Quiet seconds of retrospect muddled by confusion. An attempt to see inside my head, to dissect my heart. She had me pinned, or so she thought. My existence