Reign A Romance Anthology - Nina Levine Page 0,284

on breathing slow and deep.

I force my thoughts to shift to… Star.

“Fuck. Where are you?” I whisper, willing her to appear.

A soft hand lands on my shoulder. “Let it go, Dusty. It wasn’t your fault.”

My hands cover my face. “You don’t get it. I killed him!” Two sobs escape and even to my ears, I sound pathetic. “You should hate me, Mum. Everyone should hate me.” The tears come, and I want to hide. There’s no stopping the emotion that has bubbled to the top, and like a volcano, the tears pour out of me like lava.

“That’s it, love. Let it all go. Get it out.”

I swipe my hands over my face and gaze up at my mother standing beside me with concern in her eyes.

“Why don’t you hate me? I ruined your life.”

“How could I hate you? Your father and I live within you. I see him every day in you, and you have the same determination, the same passion as him. You cope in your own way whenever something goes wrong. My boy, you didn’t kill him. You’re not to blame. No one will know what happened that day. The truth is buried along with him. He went into the shed after you and fixed whatever you did. He told me so. It was a freak accident, Dusty,” she repeats. “You can’t blame yourself.” She takes my hand and gives a little tug for me to stand with her. I push up from the ground and let my mother wrap her arms around me. Hug me like there’s no tomorrow. “Come…”

She leads me closer to the tractor, gleaming under the bright afternoon sun. My hand remains enveloped by her tiny hand. I don’t want to be this close. My mother walks me to stand beside the beast and gives me a look of understanding before placing my hand on the wheel guard.

“He loved this tractor,” she states. “No matter what happened, we have to think the same way as him. He rode it hundreds of times. It belongs with us on the farm. It was a big part of our lives, and I couldn’t bring myself to sell or get rid of it. Instead, I embraced it as he would.”

I pull my hand away. “I’m not ready.”

She wraps her hand around my waist and rests her head on my chest. “You did good. Little steps, my boy.”

I nod even though she can’t see my acknowledgement.

Big fucking steps, really.

It was a giant step coming here.

And coming face to face with the very thing I swore I’d never look at again has exhausted me. The guilt rolls over in my gut of being the cause, even if my mother doesn’t believe it. She is right about one thing, though, I need to let it go. Nothing will bring him back. And we can respect what he loved, and he did love this damn tractor. I understand her reasons, but I’m not at the level of acceptance right now she wants me to be.

Mum and I clamber into the back seat of Rhett’s truck while he and Tori take the front seats.

“Only a couple of drinks,” Mum says to him. “I don’t want you hungover for Christmas.”

I chuckle and meet his glare in the rear view mirror.

“I’ll drive home,” Tori says and pats his leg.

I shake my head. He’s fucking whipped.

“I don’t want a late one,” I add. “I need to get up and go for a run in the morning.”

“On Christmas morning?” Rhett raises his eyebrows and meets my gaze in the mirror.

“Yeah. Then I’ll come back and help Mum.”

“I don’t need your help, love. You do what you have to do. I’m sure Rhett remembers the programs you footballers follow.”

We pull up out front of the local pub, and it looks to be at full capacity. Music is blaring through the open windows. These old stone walls hold a lot of history, especially with my family. We head inside and heads turn. People raise their beers and shout out to me.

“Welcome home, Dusty.”

“Thanks,” I say back to the direction from where the voice came.

“Hey, the entire family is here.” I nod and smile.

A tall guy catches my eye. He has the same blue eyes as me—the same eyes as Mum and Rhett.

“What the…” He removes his cowboy hat. “When did you get back?”

Jase pats my back before giving a quick hug. “Tonight. I went home and showered first.” He leans in and hugs Mum, then kisses Tori on the