Redesigning Fate (Revive #1) - A. M. Wilson Page 0,71
move from his perch on the couch, although, he does scrub a hand across his mouth. “Are you going to fill me in on where you really were last Saturday?”
My body is prepared for the lie, but my brain is quietly begging him to tell the truth. The string connecting Elias and myself is beginning to fray and weaken. The constant tug of war between trusting him and listening to my warning bells is a constant friction on our connection.
Don’t lie, don’t lie, don’t lie! My thoughts are screaming at me.
“You heard what I told the detectives, Marlee. I was with Sin. Exactly where I told you I was,” he responds in a measured tone. His eyes meet and hold mine, almost too forcefully, as if he’s trying to persuade my opinion.
Why is it so hard to believe him? My next breath hitches high in my throat. “I need more from you,” I whisper, then add, “please.” I watch, immobile, as his eyelids lower over those two blue jewels and screw shut tightly.
When he looks at me again, his handsome face contorts with confliction. “Marlee. I want to tell you…everything. Absolutely every goddamned thing there is to know about me. But I need more time. Please. Don’t give up on me for being dishonest yet. There are some things here I’m trying to protect. I just need time.”
“You know trust is hard for me, right? This doesn’t help that you know,” I say, not trying to conceal the distress in my voice. My own features contort with unconcealed pain. “I can’t let you hurt me.”
Elias rises from the couch and crosses the space between us in two strides. Warm, calloused palms mold to the sides of my face and rough thumbs trace the crest of my cheeks. He props his forehead against mine. His heated breath fans across my damp lips, and I capture the lower one between my teeth.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to mislead you.” He’s silent for a beat. Maybe he’s trying to gauge my reaction. Maybe he’s just tired. I know I am. “Can you trust me? Can you trust that I’ll share with you when the time is right? That this has to do with not betraying my friends, no matter how badly I want to share with you. I never want to hurt you.”
At first, his words sound sweet and full of conflict—a good man trying to be loyal to his friend and his lover. But I hear the undercurrent of uncertainty. “But you might,” I whisper back, wishing down to my soul that I was wrong.
“Not on purpose,” he replies forcefully. “Never on purpose.”
Some may think I’m a fool for giving him a chance despite his inability to give me his word. I’ve already learned the hard lesson that anyone can spout bullshit. It takes action to prove those words have real meaning. The lesson I’m still working on, however, is how to trust myself in my decisions.
“Okay,” I say, but cringe when the word is stuck in my throat.
“Okay,” he says back, his hands moving from my face to rub both of my biceps. “Are we done talking about this?” he continues. “After this morning, and now the police showing up, it’s been a stressful day. Let’s get out of here, go do something fun.”
I simply nod my head. What more can I say? We both could use a distraction.
“Great. Sinclair’s closed to the general public today for a private party. You up for it?”
“Yeah, sounds great. I’ll just grab my things.”
Elias watches me walk down the hall to his room. Without turning around to look, I can feel his eyes burning through the back of my head. My reaction confuses him. I think he’s expecting me to break down or put up a stronger fight, but I just don’t have the energy right now.
Inside, I’m all twisted up. Outside, not so much. I school my face into impassivity. My instincts are telling me he’s being honest, although, my mind is finding the circumstances a little strange. I need to stop always doubting my heart because my head has so much unrest. I know my anxiety tends to blow things out of proportion. Elias looks and sounds truthful. So even though I have jealousy and uncertainty roaring in my gut, I try to tamp it down. Relax. We both need to relax.
***
We end up back at Sinclair’s, which is quickly becoming “our spot.” Cars are lining both sides of the street when