Redesigning Fate (Revive #1) - A. M. Wilson Page 0,20
way. Talk to me. Let me help, because I can assure you, you’re worth so much more than he ever let you believe.”
“How can you say that?” I ask, genuinely confused. “You don’t know me. We’ve barely just met. How do you have any idea my worth?”
Elias’s gaze darkens, and suddenly he looks angry. “I don’t need to know you. You’re a woman and I’m a man, and any man who lets his woman believe she’s worthless is nothing but a piece of shit. You’re worth something, Marlee. You’re incredibly beautiful, but even if you weren’t? You’re sweet and enticing and feisty. And I don’t care what’s happened in your past, what made you the way you are. You’re a woman which means you have worth, and you deserve respect.”
“It’s a lot of heavy shit,” I whisper. “Not really date material, let alone a first date.”
“Then it’s best to get it all out there so we can move past it. If we ever see that sorry excuse for a man again, I can guarantee I won’t be so restrained.”
Lower lip trembling, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You know how in day-to-day life it’s easy to form routines? Wake up, shower, work, gym, supper, bed, repeat. Then after a while, because of laziness or comfort or convenience you grab breakfast on the way to work even though it’s expensive and unhealthy, just so you can sleep in later. Or you skip the gym so you have more time to unwind after work before bed. Even though you know it’s bad for you, it’s easier and becomes comfortable.
“That was my relationship with Travis. We should have ended things a lot sooner, but it was so easy being around each other at first. I spent all my free time with him, and we happened to develop this routine in our lives that revolved around each other. And over time, I got so relaxed letting him take the lead. I let him choose what we did, where we ate. It evolved into him choosing when I saw him and what I did with my free time. I let him become controlling. It was my fault. He presided over my life. And if I deviated from his plans, Travis punished me. Not physically, but he’d withhold his time from me, have me sit at home alone until he said I could see him…”
I trail off, losing myself in the memory of all that alone time, wondering what he was up to while I waited by my phone for him to return my call or a text message. He made me weak, and I disgusted myself with what I had become. Over the months since we’d separated, I’d been slowly working on getting my independence back. My self-reliance is important; I don’t think I’d survive if I ever gave up control again.
“Did he ever hurt you physically?” Elias leans back, studying me. He still has a firm grip on my arm, anchoring me to himself. I couldn’t run if I wanted to—but I don’t want to. It feels good to get that off my chest even though I’m certain I’ll scare him away. It’s a risk I have to take.
“Twice.”
His face visibly darkens, and his hand clenches in mine so tightly I feel as if I’m holding a prosthesis made of the strongest titanium. I continue speaking, knowing if this will push him away, I’d rather get it over with now than two months down the road when I’m emotionally invested.
“They were stupid incidents, partly my fault. I deliberately pushed his buttons. I knew he was angry, but I got in his face anyways. The first time, he pushed me and I fell backwards over the end table next to my couch. I don’t even remember what we were arguing about, it was that stupid.” I have to pause for a deep breath. This is heavy stuff.
His hand tightens around mine, a reassuring squeeze, so I continue.
“The second time was worse. We had been fighting in the bedroom. He wanted me to leave, but I wanted to stay and fight. I was sick of never having control, of giving in all the time, and I hated the way he would decide when an argument was over. This being one of those times. He was sending me away so he didn’t have to deal with whatever I had to say.
“Anyway, I refused to leave. He grabbed me by the hair, dragged me