Redemption of a Fallen Woman Page 0,65

it hadn't helped because he could think of nothing else. Elena had got under his skin in all sorts of unexpected ways. It hurt to know that she didn't trust him yet but he knew the reason, so why was he reacting like this? She wasn't ready to consummate their marriage, that was all. He should have kept a sense of proportion. The fact that he hadn't been able to made him angry, but not with her. He wanted her badly, but his need was about a lot more than physical pleasure. Now, in an act of unparalleled stupidity, he'd allowed his pride to drive her away.

Chapter Sixteen

In spite of everything else, weariness won out that night and Elena was asleep within minutes of her head hitting her improvised saddle pillow. She slept deeply and dreamlessly and didn't stir again until after sunrise. When she opened her eyes it was to see Harry bearing a mug of tea. For a moment she stared at him in silent bemusement and then saw him smile.

'Good morning. I won't ask if you slept well since I know that you did.'

'I went out like a light.' She propped herself up on one elbow. 'What time is it?'

'Almost seven.'

'Seven! Heavens, you should have woken me.'

'You looked too peaceful to disturb. Besides, you were very tired last night.'

'Yes, but even so...'

'An hour isn't going to make much difference in the great scheme of things.' He bent down and handed her the tea. 'Here. It'll warm you up.'

As she took the mug her fingers brushed his, a casual touch that brought other thoughts to mind. It was hard to reconcile the man before her with the cold and distant being she had spoken to before.

She eyed him obliquely. 'Did you sleep well?'

'Very well, I thank you.' He paused. 'I'm sorry I was short-tempered last night.'

'It doesn't matter.'

'Yes, it does. My behaviour was churlish in the extreme.'

'You were tired too. It doesn't help.'

He smiled ruefully. 'No, it doesn't. All the same, I apologise.'

'Apology accepted.'

'Thank you.' He squeezed her arm lightly and then straightened. 'Drink your tea. Then we'll be on our way.'

With a rather lighter heart Elena stowed her things and prepared to ride. Concha saw the alteration at once.

'You are feeling better today, I think.'

'Much better.'

'A good rest puts everything in perspective, no?'

Elena nodded. 'It certainly helps.'

She thought back to her conversation with Jack. That too had lent things a different perspective, although she didn't know how best to make use of the information. Now that the status quo had been restored she didn't want to unbalance it again. All the same the past could not be ignored when it impinged on the present and threatened to blight the future. While she admired Harry's courage and his evident loyalty to those he loved, she could not bear to think that he should blame himself for what had happened.

With a sudden flash of insight she understood how she might, unwittingly, have contributed to his state of mind. Did he believe that she held him partially responsible for what had happened at Badajoz? After all, when he had needed her trust she had not given it. That begged the question, why? When she had panicked was it not because she had unconsciously equated an act of love with an act of violence? What did that say about her deeper feelings for Harry? The insight did not make for comfortable viewing.

'Now you look worried again,' said Concha.

'The thought of throwing away happiness does worry me.'

'Why would you? Rather you should embrace the chance.'

'I know, but I cannot.'

Concha didn't pretend to misunderstand. 'It was always going to be difficult, but surely not insurmountable.' She paused, darting a glance ahead to make sure that the men were out of earshot. 'He does not blame you for what happened.'

'No. I think the boot is on the other foot.'

'I'm not sure I follow.'

'When he told me that he was at Badajoz my first reaction was to see him as a British soldier.'

Light dawned in Concha's face. 'And because he was a British soldier he must be equally guilty?'

'Something like that.'

'But he tried to stop the atrocities.'

'I know, but part of my mind still resented him being there at all.' Elena sighed. 'Oh, heavens, I'm not even making sense to myself.'

'That is because it doesn't make sense. His Lordship is not as those others. He is an honourable man, I believe.'

'So do I.'

'Well, then, should you not trust him?'

There was only one answer to