the most. I couldn’t actually tell Mom or call Lucy and say, “Umm…hi. I got raped and I liked it.” Or sort of raped or whatever.
Either way, he’s the only person I could broach the subject with. And yet, he acted as if nothing happened. So I bit the bloodied bullet and replied with the same tone I used in that exchange.
Naomi: Who told you I want you as a fan?
Sebastian: Too bad you don’t get to choose who your fans are. One day, you’ll be having a signing and I’ll show up with a copy of your work and kiss you in front of all your other fans. They’ll probably cause a ruckus and I’ll tell them it’s the perks of being your number one.
Naomi: As if I’ll let you kiss me.
Sebastian: You won’t have a choice.
Naomi: I’ll ban you and ask security to escort you out.
Sebastian: That won’t stop me, baby. I’ll always find a way back in.
My heart still skips a beat whenever I think about his words.
The fact that I don’t have a choice. That he’ll always find a way back in. Was he playing a sick mind game with me? Either that or I’m really losing it.
Maybe none of what happened over the weekend is real. Maybe I watch too much violent stuff.
But I can still feel the soreness between my legs. I’ve had it for days, despite the baths and reading online tutorials about how to relieve it.
That first night, I had to literally crawl and then wash away the blood from between my legs, so that couldn’t have been a hallucination or a visceral dream.
I’ve felt the loss of what I considered my…secret.
Yes. I was a twenty-one-year-old virgin with trust issues, because I would rather have died than let a man be as physically close to me as that scum was eleven years ago.
But it was different with Sebastian.
Maybe because I had the choice, but not really. Maybe because he tore through me and took what he wanted while giving me what I needed.
Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because my busy brain didn’t get to function.
Because even if I said no, he didn’t stop. When I begged, he fucked me harder. When I cried, he took more.
The only way to end it was if I brought us back to reality.
But I didn’t.
Reality sucks.
“Hey, Nao.”
I force myself to focus on Lucy again as we pass chattering students scattering through in the cafeteria. “Yeah?”
She bites her lower lip, her teeth digging into the flesh. “I want to tell you something, but I don’t have proof.”
“Something about what?”
She casts a glance sideways, her freckles darkening with the reddening of her cheeks. “It’s about…”
“Lucy!”
I internally cringe at Brianna’s screeching voice. She snaps her fingers at my friend from her position across the room and beckons her over.
There’s nothing I want more than to go to her and break her wrist for calling my friend as if she’s her dog.
Lucy, however, smiles and grabs my arm, dragging me to the queen bee’s table. I’m about to twist myself free and leave as I usually do to avoid their brand of fat-shaming and veiled racist remarks, but something stops me.
Or rather, someone.
The cheerleaders are sitting with the football team. Meaning, Sebastian and his teammates.
Only his broad back is visible from this distance, but it’s enough to make my throat dry and my limbs jittery.
It’s enough to push me back in time until my presence is filled with him.
This shouldn’t be a surprise since the football team often sits with Reina and her favorite cheerleaders. Apparently, it’s a habit they’ve kept from their high school days since Reina’s fiancé used to play with them.
Of course, I often avoided this setting like the plague. Not only because of the cheerleaders’ venomous tongues, but also because I wanted to keep some distance between me and the football team.
It failed, anyway. And now, this situation is reaching heights I didn’t think were possible.
I let Lucy drag me to the table. My breathing quickens, deepening and hollowing as I catch a glimpse of Sebastian. He’s throwing French fries in his mouth as he listens to Owen talking animatedly about a bear.
He’s just eating fries. The act is so simple, yet I can’t stop staring at the scene. His Black Devils jacket stretches over his broad shoulders and developed chest and arms. His lean fingers close around the fries before he brings them to his mouth.
I gulp, recalling those same fingers inside me as that