Red Nights - Shari J. Ryan Page 0,42
had sex. “I can’t do the casual thing. I used to, but I just can’t any more.” And now I feel like a slut. Awesome. “You’re just so damn beautiful, Felicity. You’re like no one I’ve ever met.” He laughs silently, in a crazed sort of way. “I mean, look at you: your life is falling apart too, and yet you still have your head on straight—aside from the whole lying in a dark park alone at midnight thing. I suppose I could learn a thing or two from you. I mean, you’re honestly something else, and I’m lucky you’ve even considered going on a couple of dates with me, never mind sticking around.” Isn’t that the person I’ve always been—the one with her head on straight?
I don’t know where my head is right now, but it’s not where it should be.
“I understand,” I say. This isn’t for fun. It’s for keeps. And I’m not sure I hate that.
“I can’t control myself around you. My heart and my body are in a boxing match right now, but I need you to sleep on all of this. Okay?” He wants me to sleep on the fact that he has an ex-fiancé, and a daughter who died. I can only assume one has to do with the other. I’ve heard the unfortunate statistics of a relationship or marriage not surviving after the loss of a child. And I just lost Blake…he should probably sleep on that too, especially for the fact that my wounds are fresh and I haven’t even begun to heal. I can’t tell him I’m fine or that I’ll be okay. He’s the one who should be worried about getting involved with me. Maybe he is.
“Of course.” I wonder if my smile looks fake? Because it is. God, I feel so dumb for coming over here.
I make my way out of his bedroom, realizing I look more and more like something’s wrong, so I grab my purse from the couch and turn around to find his chest in my face.
“You can’t leave like this.”
“I’m not leaving like anything, Hayes. I’m doing as you asked. I completely understand where you’re coming from. I feel bad for making you uncomfortable tonight. It wasn’t my intention.” I hadn’t even planned on seeing him tonight.
“Why are you making this your fault?” I shrug, not having a good answer. I feel bad for being the reason he had to rehash his past. “Here I am, thinking I ruined everything tonight and you aren’t going to call me tomorrow, and you’re blaming yourself.” He presses his fingers under my chin, forcing me to look up and into his eyes—they’re almost translucent from the lighting above. “The only things you can blame yourself for is being understanding and so damn perfect that I can’t stop fucking think about you. I want all of this, Felicity. I just want to do it the right way. It’s important to me.” He tilts his chin, moving in and brushing his lip over mine. When he pulls back a bit, I see worry glistening in his eyes. “Call me tomorrow after you’ve thought about things.”
* * *
I slept surprisingly well, even if it was for less than four hours. I open my eyes and immediately think of Hayes. And his lips. And his touch…and holy shit, a lot was said last night. I was supposed to sleep on it. I don’t really get why. I don’t feel any different about it. We both have baggage. It’ll make things easier.
Aspen pokes her head into my room. Her hair is everywhere, her eyes heavy-lidded. She looks from side to side, then to me. “Dude, what time did you get home last night?”
I scratch my fingers through the rat’s nest on my head too. “Three, maybe?” I laugh.
“I want to meet this guy. Just so you know.” She pulls her head back out of my room, but then pokes it back in again. “Oh, Tanner texted me last night, wanting to know what your texts were about yesterday. I told him to talk to you.”
Ugh. I’ll deal with him later. “Thanks. I’ll handle it.” She meanders back into her room and I hear her door close heavily then the springs in her mattress whine as she falls back into it. I glance at the clock, noting it’s almost ten.
I reach for my phone and tap the display. I don’t recognize the number, but they left a voicemail. I press the phone up to