Red Nights - Shari J. Ryan Page 0,28
out today.”
Aspen crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her head to the side. “Did you know she smokes? Because it’s news to me.”
Tanner’s focus swings to me with shock and obvious disgust. “Liss, since when do you smoke? That shit will kill you.” I close my eyes briefly, trying to block them out and suppress the urge to run upstairs and grab another cigarette. When I open my eyes, they’re both still throwing judgmental gazes in my direction.
“Since last year. It’s only one a day, and it’s to calm my nerves,” I say, offering an explanation I don’t feel like they deserve. I’m an adult, and I shouldn’t have to answer to anyone.
“Well, if you’re done killing yourself, can we go talk somewhere?” Nice choice of words.
“What is this, some kind of intervention? Or do you two just want to roast me all day?” This rage and anger has been building up for the past couple of days, and maybe it’s aimed at them because they’re the only ones taking an interest in my life right now. But I don’t want to be babied or handled with kid gloves.
“No, I want to talk to you alone.” If this was intended to be an intervention, Aspen didn’t know about it.
She looks back and forth between Tanner and me and clutches the bag of breakfast against her chest. “I’ll be upstairs. With the food.” She turns on her heels and hurries through the door. I can’t help but wonder if she already knows what Tanner wants to talk about.
“I’m just going to come right out and say this, Liss.” Tanner places his hands on my shoulders and peers down at me, his eyes sad but full of some kind of hope. It’s hard to comprehend hope still existing right now. “I’m worried about you. I know how much this is hurting me, so I can only imagine what it’s doing to you.” He closes his eyes briefly, releasing a heavy sigh. “I want to help in any way I can. I know we’ve had our ups and downs this past year, but I need you to know I’m here for you.” His hands are trembling over my shoulders, a weakness I’ve never seen with him. “Can I do anything to help you?”
I want to tell him I don’t want or need his help. He and Aspen don’t have to look after me like I’m some kind of head case. I think the best thing everyone can do for me is to leave me alone for a little while. “I don’t need anything,” I say.
“What would Blake tell you right now?” he asks.
Blake had a way with words, and every serious situation was always turned into a joke. It bugged me more often than not, especially since I tend to be more practical and mature than most. I was always able to think through situations logically, with a clear mind, while he would try to find a way to spin every crappy thing into gold. “He’d tell me, ‘suck it up buttercup’.” I laugh at the thought of hearing him say that to me right now.
Tanner chokes on a loud, hearty laugh. “He would totally say that to you right now.” Blake was never unhappy. I wish I knew how he ignored the bad in life. He didn’t care when he lost a job or his apartment. He wouldn’t have cared if I didn’t take him in. He’d figure it out. God, he said that all of the time. It was like there was always an answer and a solution to everything, and a good one, at that. He was pretty good at just making things work without breaking a sweat. “Look, you’re going to have your ups and downs right now, and for the foreseeable future. But when you’re feeling off or out of it, just ask yourself what Blake would say to you. I have a strong feeling his answers are already in your heart.”
“You’re right,” I say in a whisper.
His hands find mine, pulling them up to his chest, allowing me to feel the hard muscles I had once loved to touch and trace with my fingertips. No. Not going there. “You are going to make it through this. We all are.”
I can only hope.
“Still want to come upstairs for breakfast?” I’m starting to shiver from the cool breeze, and the discomfort running through me.
“Yes, but…” he squeezes my hands a little tighter, “…please stop smoking. You don’t