Lily was in another place, another world, and yet, he could allow himself to be with her. When he was certain that no attack was imminent, and he let his tired body rest, he’d close his eyes and see her. That was the part Amon loved. He could hover near her like a ghost. He couldn’t speak to her or touch her, and she didn’t know that he was there, at least not consciously. Her subconscious mind, though, could sense he was near, that he was watching over her, much like a guardian angel. This was a tremendous blessing. But it was also a curse.
Amon knew a connection as powerful as theirs went two ways. He had hoped that they might simply meet in their dreams. That their bond had been brief enough that their minds would brush gently against each other as they slept. But the link between them proved stronger than that. As Amon walked with Lily through New York, he knew she also journeyed with him through his land of nightmares.
His decision to leave paradise had caused terrible consequences for the girl he loved, and now that he was in the netherworld, there was no getting out. The gods would not help; he’d abandoned their cause. Death would be his only reprieve, and yet every time he thought he’d hurt her enough and would give up, give in to whatever dark creature was currently seeking his demise, he’d feel her, an unconscious appeal to keep trying. To hold on a little longer.
Amon sought answers to his dilemma by peering through the Eye of Horus, but the things he saw confused him. Sometimes it teased him with glimpses of a possible future. A way out. If he could just last long enough, survive in the form in which he currently existed until Lily’s natural, mortal death, there was a chance he could find her. That their bond would draw them together once more.
Other times, he saw Lily as a different person, a different creature altogether from the girl he knew. He envisaged himself tortured and abused. His brothers jealous and angry. The gods at war with Chaos. These visions made no sense. Chaos was being held at bay for another millennium. The gods getting together for a meal wasn’t even likely, let alone a war.
The uncertainty Amon felt was normal. He was used to the strange shadows of the future and past mingling together. The Eye saw all, and yet nothing it revealed ever made sense. Events were never in the proper order. It took a tremendous amount of focus and energy to direct the Eye to show him any one particular thing. To prevent himself from going crazy, Amon spent much of his time trying to ignore the visions that rattled his brain. Since he’d entered the netherworld, though, the Eye had gone into overdrive.
Still, the Eye’s energy drain was worth it when he asked to see Lily’s future. The things he saw gave him hope. Hope that they might be together again, that there was a possible future where he could again hold her in his arms.
There were moments when he saw himself cupping her face in his hands, tenderly kissing each of her closed eyelids, tasting the salt from the tears that slowly trickled down her cheeks. These blissful flashes were all he needed to know. The rest he’d let the universe worry about. Perhaps it was selfish of him to maintain their connection, but he just couldn’t let Lily go. Not yet. Not when there was a chance.
Though Amon knew that she likely walked the netherworld with him in her dreams, there were times, however brief, when they both slept. During those occasions, it was possible to communicate with her, but Lily’s mind always blocked him out, her body so exhausted from the trials of their connection that her consciousness shut down and she slept deeply.
When this happened, he didn’t push. She needed to rest, and as badly as he wanted to talk to her, there was no point. He’d doomed the both of them to this fate because he was weak. If he had only loved her enough in the beginning to leave her alone or had sent her away earlier, maybe none of this would have happened.
Of course, without Lily, it was quite possible that he and his brothers would be dead and the world