once, but I dug my way out. Not even the devil can hold me down now. Bury me with this bottle I clutch in my hand. The tighter I hold, the lighter it gets. Fuck the demons that scream at me now…”
“Is this your new song?” She turns the radio up and I can’t help but to watch her face as she listens. She seems to be really into it.
I’m surprised that she knew RISK’s new song just by hearing my voice on the radio. Clearly, she’s a bigger fan than I realized, but I won’t bring that up and ruin this good feeling.
“It’s really good.”
“Thank you. I wrote the song a long time ago, but we just recorded it a few months back and decided to put it on the new album.”
“Will you be singing it on this year’s tour?”
I nod and take a deep breath, not wanting to think too hard about the fact that I wrote this song about Alana. It’s the only thing that almost kept me from recording it. It’s bad enough that Without You makes me think about how she screwed me over every time we perform it.
My heart sinks, realizing the cabin is just a few miles out now. Natalie must notice my sudden onset of tension, because she’s silent as she turns to watch the road.
“There’s a little gas station about twenty-five minutes out of the way. We’ll stop there to fill up on gas and get some snacks first. Think of anything you might need for the weekend and we’ll grab it.” We don’t really need any snacks, because the cabin is full of anything we’ll want and need, but truthfully, I just need an excuse to put off getting there for longer.
I’m pretty sure she can tell too, because all she does is nod and go with it.
When we pull up at the gas station, there are more people than expected. I figure there might be a person or two who might recognize me, so the moment I get out of the car, I walk over to Natalie’s side and grab her hand, lacing my fingers through hers.
“Why are we–”
“In case someone recognizes me. Come.”
“So pictures of us holding hands might end up on social media?” She shakes her head and attempts to free her hand from mine. “I don’t think so. That’s too much for me.”
“It needs to look real. We’re taking our “relationship” public now.” I raise our hands higher. “And this will do that. I don’t hold girls’ hands in public and you know that, Nat. Please work with me here.”
“Fine.” She looks around us as if hoping no one notices me. And no one does until I pay for our things and grab her hand to walk outside.
“Dude! You’re the lead singer of RISK.” Some teenaged kid says after snapping a few pictures of me and Natalie on the way out. “Can I get a selfie?”
I release Natalie’s hand—more like she practically yanks it away—and I grab the phone from the kid to take a few pictures of us.
“Your music changed my life, man.” The kid smiles down at his phone while saving the picture he just snapped of us. “Gave me something to look forward to when I was lost. I stumbled upon Without You a few months back on Youtube when my girlfriend dumped me, and it helped me get over her. I never thought I would. But I’ve been better off without her.” He winks at me, while backing away. “Thank you, man. Can’t wait to show my friends I just met you. I’ll probably get my ass kicked when I get back to town because they missed out, but it’ll be worth it.”
“I hope so, kid. Hang on a minute.” I reach into my truck and pull out a spare CD that’s been sitting around for a minute. “Got a marker?”
“Shit. No!” He grabs his hair anxiously. “I can go ask for one inside. Hold up a minute. Don’t leave!” The kid rushes off inside in search of a marker as if he thinks I’ll take off if he doesn’t hurry back. I’m not going anywhere.
“That’s nice of you.” Natalie is smiling now as if seeing me interact with my fan has made her forget all about us being seen together holding hands. “You’re going to make this kid’s entire life from this moment.”
“I hope so,” I say honestly, reaching for the pump handle. “It’s people like him who make the stress