On The Rebound (Steinbeck U #1) - L.A. Cotton Page 0,88
collected in the corners of my eyes, but I felt more in control than I did earlier.
“Your brother is an ass.”
“A motivated ass.” I sobbed. “Sometimes I wonder how much of it was Callum and how much of it was Dad, but he never confided in me or Mom and he didn’t seem too upset to leave Bay View. His friends threw him this huge party at one of their houses. It backed right onto the beach. Me and Za—” I stopped myself. Did I really want to go for a trip down memory lane?
“It’s okay,” Josie said around a knowing smile, “you can talk about him. It might do you good.”
“Me and Zach gatecrashed. Well, we hid in the shadows, watching, pretending that we were gatecrashing.” I smiled at the memory.
I’d been so upset about the news, that Zach wanted to cheer me up. He had stolen one of his mom’s wine coolers and I’d had my first sip of alcohol. There had been a moment, as we lay in the sand under the cover of darkness, where I thought he might kiss me, but he’d been the perfect gentleman. A couple of years later, when we finally became a couple, I confessed how badly I’d wanted him to kiss me that night. To make all the pain and hurt and disappointment go away.
And he’d confessed he’d wanted to kiss me too.
“It sounds like he was a good kid.”
“He was.”
Until he wasn’t.
“I know he did a real shitty thing to you, Calli. But have you considered that this might be your chance to put the past behind you? Your mom wanted that, right? She wanted you to try.”
“Low blow, Jos.” I grumbled, snagging my beer the second Xavier slid it in front of me.
“I know, and I’m sorry. But it’s like you’re still hiding.”
“I’m not—”
Oh, who was I kidding?
Of course I was still hiding.
“You came to SU for a reason, don’t forget that.”
She was right.
I hadn’t picked up my camera in almost eight months, since Mom had gotten her diagnosis. The one thing that had always been my sanctuary, my escape, had become too painful.
“I used to take photographs.”
“Yeah?” Josie asked, and I nodded. “I did wonder. You have all those cool photos on your wall above your desk.”
“It was my thing back in high school. I never felt like I fit in. It was impossible to shine when Callum was the brightest star in our school. My mom got me my first ever camera. An old Nikon. She didn’t know the first thing about them, but I learned how to use it. Spent hours in our yard trying to capture the perfect shot.” Pain splintered through me, remembering how happy it made her to see me come alive behind the lens, how happy it made me feel.
“Callum was athletic. He lived for the spotlight and attention.” I nursed my beer, letting myself fall into the memories. “But I preferred observing, being behind the lens... for those few moments, it let you into another world. There was something thrilling about that. I didn’t want to be the person in the shot, but it was nice to experience what it was like to be them just for a second.”
“You don’t take photographs anymore?”
“I can’t... every time I’ve tried to pick up my camera... it’s just too hard, you know?” I shrugged, draining the rest of my beer. “Xavier,” I called, “can I get something stronger?”
His eyes flicked to Josie and she chuckled. “I’m not her keeper, Xav. If the girl wants the strong stuff, fetch her the strong stuff. I’ve got her.”
“Okay, something stronger coming right up.” He returned a minute later and pushed a glass toward me. I didn’t even sniff the contents, just took a big mouthful, shuddering at the bitter taste.
“Atta girl.” He winked before leaving us alone again.
“I always wanted to come to SU. They have one of the best photographic arts programs in the state. I knew Callum would be here, but I didn’t care. Then Mom got sick and I started talking about changing my plans, taking a year out to figure out what I wanted to do with my life... but she wouldn’t have it. She made me promise...” Silent tears ran down my cheeks as I tried not to fall apart in a biker bar, of all freaking places.
“Oh, babe. Come here.” Josie leaned over and hugged me, as I blubbered into her shoulder.