The Rebel Queen (Outlaw #1) - Lexi Blake Page 0,100
truth is being around Papa has already helped a lot. I had a long teaching session with him that was deeply disconcerting and oddly comforting, and then Bris gave me advice as well. I was afraid to have sex because of what could happen. I have a weird relationship with sex.”
“Because it’s who you are and it’s why you’ve had trouble,” I said. “I can understand that. I always found it odd that my life often revolves around something I can never see.”
“Your glow?”
I nodded. “It’s affected me all of my life, and I can’t see it. I might have gone my entire life without knowing it existed. Some companions do since there are so few vampires.”
“Do you wonder what that life might have been like? If your father had been someone with no ties to the supernatural world? What would your life have been like if Granddad had been a farmer somewhere isolated? You might never have met a vampire and had a… I was about to use that word again.”
“Normal, yes. It’s hard not to. I don’t think about it anymore. If he had, then I would never have met your dad and never have fallen in love with your papa. No. I love the life I have.” I even loved sitting here and talking to my son, despite the fact that there was awkwardness between us. “There is always a balance. That’s what I’ve learned. It’s kind of been beaten into me. I had hard things to get through, but I was also given extraordinary love.”
“Were you given it? Or did you fight for it, too?” Rhys asked as though he’d thought about this a lot.
“I suppose that’s true. I suppose we fight for everything.” I sighed and took a drink from the thermos Albert had packed for me. The water tasted faintly of citrus. At the penthouse there was always a pitcher of infused water around. We ate in silence for a moment before I decided to push him a little. “How long have Fen and Evan been together?”
I thought it would be easier for him to talk about his siblings.
He swallowed what appeared to be half a sandwich, and I realized my boy wasn’t as self-aware as he thought he was. He could eat, too. “Forever, it feels like. They kind of clung together because they were younger than me and Lee. Sasha was easier on them training-wise in the beginning. Eddie and Albert took care of them while Lee and I trained, so they formed an attachment at a young age. At some point it went from friendship and comfort to something more. I don’t know. You might not be able to understand.”
I felt my eyes widen. “Excuse me?”
His lips curled up, and I realized he was fucking with me. It made me feel better.
I sighed and reached into my pack to get the cookies Albert had packed. “You know very well your dad and I had a similar story.”
He shrugged. “Yes. I’ve heard it from Grandad many times over the years. I think hearing those stories did nothing but reassure Evan she was following in your footsteps. I know she was hard on you, but that was mostly about Papa. And you seemed very standoffish in the beginning.”
“I was in shock. You were eleven a few days ago.”
He nodded. “I know. We’ve had years to think about this moment, and like so many things it wasn’t what we expected. Though you seem to be settling in. I’ll be happy to tell Evan that her mother is already meddling, and she should expect many long and annoying conversations.”
I wanted to argue with that, but I did have several conversations planned for my baby girl. I didn’t think they would be annoying. I thought they would be charming and informative, but then I bet my dad had thought that, too, and he’d been wrong. So wrong. “Well, that’s a mom’s job. I feel like I have a lot of conversations to make up for.”
“You would be surprised. Sasha’s pretty good at talking to us about things that should be hard. He was good with Evan. He had a daughter he had to leave behind when he turned. I think he viewed us as a way to make up for that, or maybe a second chance to be a father figure. And Eddie read a lot of parenting books. There were many times I wished he’d read less. Trent mostly just tried to survive us all.”