Her voice muffled, her hand smoothing up and down my ribs, she said, “I don’t want you fucking anyone else either.”
I kissed the top of her head. “I will not, my sadora. You are the only one for me.”
She kissed my chest and I held her soft body even closer to mine. “Only you, sadora,” I murmured into her hair. “Only you.”
* * *
Ellis
“I seriously cannot get over how different you are now,” Inara said. “Candy, she’s different, right?”
“Yes.” Candy sat down on one of the couches in the common room the Draax had provided for the women working in the castle. “You’re happy, Ellis.” She paused. “Wait, that didn’t come out right.”
I laughed and lightly poked Roden who was sitting on my lap. “Your mama looks cute with her foot in her mouth.”
Roden looked up from the game he was playing on his vertex. “Mama has her foot in her mouth?”
He studied her before giving me a you’re a weirdo look. “Hey, do you want to come over to our apartment tonight and play with the flight simulator?”
“I can’t, big guy. Not tonight.”
He pouted at me. “You haven’t come by once this week.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I will definitely come by tomorrow night, okay?” I said.
“All right.” We were sitting near the door of the common room and Roden jumped off my lap when he saw Luka walk by the open doorway. “Luka! Hey, Luka!”
Luka stuck his head into the room. “Hello, young human.”
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“Going to the garden. Would you like to join me?”
“Yeah! Mama, can I?” Roden said.
Candy smiled. “It’s may I, and yes, you may.”
“Thanks!” He stuck the vertex in his pocket and bounced toward the door, taking Luka’s hand when he offered it to him. We could hear him chattering to Luka as they walked down the hall and Inara smiled at Candy.
“Roden really likes Luka, huh?”
“He does.”
“I bet he’d make a great step-dad.”
Candy rolled her eyes. “I’m not interested in Luka and besides, he wants children.”
“Oh. Damn,” Inara said.
“Stop trying to set me up with a Draax, butthead,” Candy said. “I’m not trying to set you up with every Draax who looks twice at you.”
“That’s because you know I’m leaving as soon as my work term is done. Besides, I can’t help it – I’m a romantic at heart,” Inara said. “I want everyone to be in love and happy.”
“Speaking of which…” Candy turned toward me, “why have you been so extraordinarily happy as of late?”
“I haven’t been,” I said. “I’m my normal grumpy self.”
“Okay, I wouldn’t call you grumpy,” Inara said, “but you are kind of glowing and have been the last few days. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were in love.”
I scoffed. “Who would I be in love with? None of the Draax look twice at me.”
My voice stayed steady and my gaze didn’t waver from Inara. I had to admit, my history of being an excellent lying liar who lied, came in handy from time to time. If they even suspected that I was so happy because I’d been banging Galan every night for the last week, it could lead to a major problem.
It's not just sex with Galan. You’re also happy because you have a job and friends and a place where you actually seem to fit in. And more importantly, you finally believe it’s not your fault your sister died.
A little rush of giddiness went through me. While I still grieved for Esther and would always miss her, I had no idea the weight I carried over my guilt about her death until it was gone. That aching pit in my stomach, the sorrow and the regret that I couldn’t do what my parents needed me to do, was gone. I had tried my best to save Esther and it wasn’t my fault I was too young.
After my initial confession about my sister, I hadn’t really wanted to talk about it again, but each night after the lovemaking was over and I was warm and relaxed in Galan’s arms, he brought it up. He assured me repeatedly that it wasn’t my fault, that I was too young and that my parents had made a terrible decision.
At first, I hadn’t seen the point of talking about it over and over but now… I could admit that after each conversation I felt a little better, believed a little more that it wasn’t my fault. I was starting to think that maybe Galan