went out to him. “I don’t think you can, and it’s okay.” Ginny sat down on Leah’s bed. “My feelings aren’t hurt.”
“Yes, they are.”
Ginny looked down at the nightclothes in her lap. “Maybe a little,” she admitted.
“I can rub some fucking ointment on you,” he stubbornly persisted.
“Silas will do it for me.”
Gavin stood up.
Thinking he was leaving, she started to get changed, when he closed the door and came back to sit down. Surprised, she watched him fiddle with the flip-top cap of the ointment.
“There are things that happened to me when I was kidnapped that I’ve never discussed with anyone.”
“I can imagine it would be very hard.” Ginny measured her words carefully, terrified of saying the wrong thing.
He gave a bitter laugh. “Your worst nightmare can’t begin to describe what I went through.”
Ginny forced herself to keep her face expressionless, afraid any hint of pity would shut him down. “You haven’t been able to talk to Viper?”
“No. He’s the last person I would talk to.”
“Why?”
“Why put those nightmares in his head?”
“Because he loves you,” she said simply. “Viper is strong enough to share your pain.”
“He’s not strong enough to stomach what I went through.”
“I see.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
“You can’t touch women anymore, can you?”
Gavin straightened his shoulders to stare her directly in her eyes. “Not only women—anyone.”
“If Taylor and you reunited, would you have been able to touch her?” Her heart stopped beating when she asked her question.
“I told myself I could.”
“You’re not sure now?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because, when I touched your back, I wanted you.”
Her heart started beating again, then puttered to a stall when he continued.
“That’s when I thought I was going to throw up.”
She deserved an Academy Award for not showing how much his words affected her.
“Do you think you’d feel sick to your stomach if you touched her?”
“Yes … Maybe … I don’t know.”
There was nothing more painful than Gavin saying he could bear touching Taylor while she made him sick to his stomach.
“There’s no one you feel capable of expressing your feelings to? A friend? Someone in the club who you’re comfortable with. Dr. Price seems really nice.”
“Would talking to someone about that burn mark on your hand make you feel better?”
The excruciating pain from when she had grabbed that meat thermometer still lay in the recesses of her mind. She didn’t own one, never would again, and was willing to bet she wouldn’t find one in Silas’s kitchen.
“I would if they had been burned too.”
“It’s not so easy to talk about the shit that happened to me.”
“Have you ever been a confiding person? Even before your kidnapping?”
“What do you mean?” Gavin stopped flicking the cap.
“I mean, even when you were growing up, before you went in the military, when something bothered you. Were you able to talk to Viper, your parents, or a friend if something was going on in your life that was bothering you?”
“No. I was raised in a military family; you were supposed to suck it up.”
“There was no one you could talk to, like … say you broke up with a girlfriend?”
“No. I didn’t need anyone.”
“You might not have then, but I think you do now. Take small steps; find something easier to talk about. You didn’t get all those muscles by beginning to work out with fifty-pound weights. You had to start out small, didn’t you?”
“Ginny … listen, I just want to rub this on your back.” Gavin motioned toward her with the tube of ointment. “Are you going to let me?”
Nodding, she stood. “Wait here. I’ll put my pajamas on in the bathroom.”
Going to the bathroom, Ginny shut the door. Sliding on her black, silky pajama pants, she then buttoned the top. Removing the towel she had wrapped around her head, she brushed her still damp hair, her mind a chaotic swirl of emotions. There wasn’t anything more disheartening than knowing she made the man she loved sick to his stomach.
“This is how Gavin is feeling. It’s not about you,” she whispered to herself in the mirror.
Not bothering to put her robe back on, she carried it back to her bedroom.
“Do you want me to sit on the bed or stand?” she asked nervously.
Gavin stood up. “Just turn around where you are.”
Turning, she used her good hand to start scrunching up the back of her top.
When Ginny didn’t feel him rubbing the lotion into her skin, she knew Gavin had underestimated his ability to cope. Letting her top fall back, she turned to the side to reach her