The Reality of Everything - Rebecca Yarros Page 0,71
sure enough to tell me that he wants me and then actually throw down and fight about it. I’ve never had anyone willing to really fight for me before.” It had always been me fighting for Will, begging him to give us a chance.
“That’s definitely a plus in his column,” Sam noted. “What else?”
“He knows I’m a mess. He’s seen me fall to the ground during an anxiety attack, and he didn’t run. He just helped me through it and came back for more. He’s seen me assault Will’s truck, and he’s still showed up at the door every day.”
“The door you refuse to open,” Sam remarked with a judgy little flick of her gaze.
“I like that he keeps coming back,” I admitted softly. “I don’t want to, but I do.”
“Hell, I like that about him, too. And I like that ever since he’s been coming around, you’ve begun looking at the world again. I like the hope that he gives me that you might just be happy one day.”
I swallowed, feeling a slight burn in my throat, but the anxiety didn’t kick in full throttle. Visualizing my throat opening, I slowly felt the muscles relax. “When I’m with him, Will isn’t always the first thought in my mind,” I admitted quietly. “I’m not saying I don’t think about him when I’m with Jackson, because I do. But he kind of fades into the background. There’s just not a lot of room for anyone else in my head when Jackson’s around.” The confession felt sinful, and I looked up at Sam, waiting for her to dole out my penance.
“I think that’s a good thing, too,” she said with a small, sad smile. “There’s always going to be a part of you that loves Will. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have room in your heart for someone else, Morgan. Or that your heart won’t grow to fit someone else in time.”
“I feel guilty,” I whispered.
“I know. And you shouldn’t. Dr. Circe said that it’s okay to start a new relationship, remember? In fact, she encouraged it at the same appointment she asked you to fill out that sheet about your not-so-stellar memories about Will.” She nodded at the worksheet that still sat empty at the end of the counter. I had a feeling it might be my first truly failed homework assignment.
How was it fair to Will that I was supposed to trash him for homework while moving forward with Jackson?
“The homework is going to have to wait. And even if I wanted Jackson, how can I expect him to understand that my emotional speed limit rivals a sloth?”
“That’s exactly what you tell him. And you want him, even if you’re not ready to admit it. I know you.” Her eyes softened in sympathy.
I shook my head.
“Okay. Tell me something you don’t like about him,” she challenged before taking a sip of her tea.
I rolled mine between my hands and brought my eyes up to meet hers. “I hate that he flies helicopters, and not just any helicopter—it’s the coast guard version of Will’s. What kind of messed-up fate is that? I hate this feeling that grips my belly when I think that if I fall for him—really and truly fall—that I won’t survive having to bury him. I know that’s really selfish of me to say considering that Grayson’s in Afghanistan—”
“Stop.” She fixed a determined stare on me. “You lost the man you loved, and I didn’t. You get to say whatever you want to me whenever you want to say it. Now you listen. Jax isn’t Grayson…or Will.”
I flinched, but I held her gaze.
“Jax is a pilot, yes, but no one shoots at him. He’s not going to Afghanistan or Iraq or anywhere like it. He’s going out there”—she pointed toward the wall of windows—“so he can save lives. That’s who that man is. He saves people. And you get to worry—God, I hate that it comes with the territory, but it does. Will’s death traumatized you, and knowing that Jax flies is going to fuck with your head. That’s understandable. That doesn’t make you a mess—it makes you human. Plus, I’ve seen that man shirtless, and I’m shocked that didn’t make your like list. Go figure, that boy is a damned pilot. You’d think we’d be better at spotting them by now.”
“I guess I have a type,” I drawled, rolling my eyes.
“Girl, don’t we all.” She grinned. “You’re just going to have to decide if all those