The Realest Ever - By Keith Thomas Walker Page 0,104

escape became more and more appealing to her. Kyra couldn’t blame anyone for what happened next, because she made a conscious decision to get high

Leonard was all for it when she asked to snort some of his powder one day. It looked like brown sugar, and Kyra thought the high was just as sweet. She compared it to the marijuana she smoked from time to time, except heroin was fifty times more powerful. It didn’t make her hungry or giggly or paranoid or hyper. All Kyra wanted to do with her heroin high was sit down somewhere and enjoy it and not think about all of the things life had taken from her.

She started snorting a pill every day after work. She didn’t realize she was hooked until she tried to go without it one night, and she got an upset stomach. Kyra’s bones hurt like she had arthritis. When she gave in and snorted her daily pill, all of the pain went away. She never got her fix with a needle, but Kyra was as addicted as any other junkie.

The raid came three months after Kyra snorted her first line. By then Leonard was a full-blown addict, and he started to make dopefiend mistakes. Not only did he sell crack to an undercover police officer, but Leonard made the drug deal at their home (an ultimate no-no for any dealer).

An hour later the police kicked in the door waving guns and an arrest warrant. They took everybody downtown. Kyra hadn’t committed any crimes, but she was as high as a kite, and the police refused to return her children to her. When they told her, Kyra lost her mind. She cried and screamed to the point that she had to be taken to the hospital and treated for anxiety.

A social worker gave her a card when she was released from the E.R. Kyra’s brother picked her up and took her to his home. Kyra could barely walk. She staggered into Duke’s house looking lost and wild. No one could comfort her. To make matters worse, Kyra’s body craved the very drug that cost her everything. She barely got out of bed for the first few days of her withdrawal. Kyra cried and shivered and vomited and sweated the heroin out of her system.

She didn’t think about Leonard at all, not in those early days. The only thing on Kyra’s mind was where her babies were. Who was feeding and tucking them in at night? How did she let this happen? How did she become her mother? And who the hell had her babies? Would she ever see them again? Would she ever be able to look in the mirror without hating the woman staring back at her?

It took more than two months for Kyra to convince the social workers that she was not an irresponsible dope head. Kyra learned a lot about herself and her decision-making during that time. When the CPS returned Q and Katavia and closed the case, Kyra ran as fast and as far away as she could. She ran from Leonard, she ran from the social workers, and she ran from every friend and family member who knew what happened. All she wanted was a fresh start.

“If I could go back in time, I probably still wouldn’t tell you what happened,” Kyra said to Donovan as they sat in his truck in the daycare’s parking lot. “It’s too embarrassing. I feel like the biggest fool ever.”

“If you didn’t learn anything from it, then you’d still be a fool,” Donovan said. Kyra was crying, but at least she got it out of her system. “But I know you did learn from it, and you have changed,” he said. “I understand why you didn’t tell me, and I’m not mad at you anymore. I love you, Kyra. I always have, and I always will.”

Donovan’s forgiveness meant the world to her. Kyra scooted over so she could hug him. Donovan held onto her for as long as she wanted. After awhile Kyra’s tears subsided, and her breathing returned to normal.

She said, “Thanks for listening.”

“You have to let your aunt cash that check you gave her,” Donovan said.

Kyra wasn’t surprised by that, but she asked him, “Why?”

“Because she did give you somewhere to live for two months. Plus you already gave her the check.”

“I was gonna put a stop-payment on it.”

Donovan shook his head. “You can’t do people wrong just because they did you wrong. Let her cash the