I left home, I told you I worked my way north and east. I’d stay somewhere long enough to make enough to cash to keep moving. And, you know, being an unattached and horny eighteen-year-old, I’d find local girls willing to have some fun. I was always forthcoming about the fact that I was just going through and would be moving on soon, so there were never any hurt feelings. Which more than a few times cost me the fun for the night. But I’d always rather that than have a girl with a broken heart on my hands, because broken hearts mean angry dads and brothers.” He sighed. “So, I think I was in...New Jersey, somewhere. The countryside. Working on this guy’s C-10 Fleetside for fresh eggs, a place to sleep in his hayloft, and a hundred bucks cash. And, at nights, I’d go up to the little town square, hang out with the local kids. And there was this girl. We hit it off, the usual banter, whatever. We decide to go for a drive out to the little spur-line, a little road that dead-ended at a small pond. Private, right? Things start happening. I always made sure they were okay with how things were going, and it was no different with this girl, Emily. You all right? You want to keep going? Things like that. She was like, yeah, yeah. But something kept feeling a little…off. She was…clumsy, I guess. Hesitant. I dunno how to put it. Like she wasn’t sure of herself, or me, or what was happening. And I was getting weirded out, but she kept telling me she was fine, she wanted to keep going.
“And I just gotta make this clear, I asked like half a dozen times if she wanted to keep going. Because of how weird she was being. So finally, we, you know. Did it. And she was…just dead silent. She didn’t move. Didn’t make a damn sound. I was like, you okay? She was like yeah, I’m good, keep going. So I did. It was dark in the truck, so I couldn’t see all that well, but it seemed like she was wincing or something, and I even asked if it felt okay, and she faked this giggle, like, yeah, it’s great.”
I sighed. “Oh dear.”
“Yeah. So I finish, and she never really, like, got into it. She clearly did not enjoy it. So I cleaned up and I was finally like, what was that? I admit I was a little angry, or annoyed, or whatever. She said forget it, it was great, can we go? Fine, whatever, I took her home. But it left a sour taste in my mouth, you know? I couldn’t figure it out.” He let out a long breath. “So, I spent another week finishing Smith’s truck, and I thought I’d hang another day or two, say goodbye to the kids I’d been friends with. And there I was, in the town square where everyone hung out at night, and here comes Emily. With her dad. And her brother. And her uncle. And they all had shotguns.”
“She did not cry rape.”
He barked a laugh. “No, thank god. But she told her sister she’d had sex with me, and her sister told her mom, and somehow it got twisted, and suddenly I was this evil seducer who defiled their precious daughter—they used the word ‘deflowered.’” He growled. “It had been her first time, and she’d been using me to, as you put it, get rid of her virginity. As a way of getting at her parents. She used me, the vagrant who didn’t belong, the rough kid from Kentucky who was on his own at eighteen when most of them barely knew how to even tie their own shoes much less survive on their own. I got run out of town that night—at gun point. They followed me to Smith’s house and made me pack up and leave.”
“Wow.”
“So, since then, I’ve just been wary, I guess. Her first time should have been a lot different. If she’d told me, if I’d known, I’d have been…I dunno. Different. It’s not like I was…I don’t know, railing her doggy style as hard as I could. But if she’d just told me I’d have made it different. But she didn’t seem to want to fool around. I kept trying to get her in the mood, and she was just like, no, let’s just do it. And then we did and