Ready For It (MacAteer Brothers #2) - M.L. Nystrom Page 0,78
I woke you to stop the nightmare. I don’t have a college degree, but I’m not stupid.”
No, Owen was not stupid. He was actually one of the smartest people I knew and had a depth not many people understood. This new knowledge of me, I couldn’t walk back, nor hide from him. “It happened a long time ago, and I never told anyone. It was my intention to take it to the grave, but I guess that’s impossible now. I’d appreciate it if you’d keep this to yourself. I don’t want anyone else to know.”
His whispered breath brushed across my cheek and his voice rumbled with emotion in my ear. “Christ, Melanie. You’ve carried that shit with you for fucking years. There are people in your life who love you that are more than willing to help you heal.”
I had the impulse to deny, deny, deny. It was on the tip of my tongue to say I was over it. That I had already healed myself and didn’t need anyone. It didn’t matter anymore. Hiding behind false bravado and a smart-ass attitude had taken me this far and if needed, I could fake it for a lifetime, right?
Heat flushed through me and I took a big breath to calm my nerves. “That’s too much to ask of anyone. I know Bevvie and Connor and the kids care about me, but I can’t dump my problems on them."
Owen tightened his arm, and his heat burned into me. “What about me? I care about you too. A lot. More than you think.”
Oh, shit! Dangerous waters ahead. His words thrilled me and scared me at the same time. It was easier to make confessions at night where faces could stay hidden in a layer of protection. In the daylight, all thoughts and feelings became visible. Then it got complicated. Here in the dark, hearts can be laid open and words said that cannot be spoken when face-to-face. “I know you care about me, Owen. I don’t want my shit to fuck things up between us.”
“I love you.”
Those three words hit me like pointed shards of ice. In my favorite romance stories, when the man made his love confession, the woman melted into a big pile of emotional goo. Then they had the best sex of their lives, full of descriptive adjectives for several pages. Owen’s declaration didn’t fill me with fluffy feelings and thoughts. I was totally and completely scared out of my ever-lovin’ mind.
The truth was harder to face and there it was, standing right in front of me. Even in the dark I saw it with a clarity that left me as one big, raw, open wound. How many fucking times in my life had I sought one-night stands just to feel something? Anything. How many times had I let someone touch me and not known his last name? How many times did I mistake lust for love? Was I worthy of it? Would I ever be good enough for someone’s love? How could I even recognize it?
“I don’t know how you can love me.”
“Yes, I can.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t deserve it. I’m so fucked-up, I don’t deserve anyone’s love.”
Owen’s voice growled in my ear as he proceeded to gut me completely. “No one deserves to be loved. It’s not something you have to work for either. You don’t buy it like you do milk in a grocery store. It’s not about clothes or looks or money. I know your family thinks that way, and I’ve seen firsthand that being rich doesn’t mean shit when it comes to loving someone.”
Owen’s lips pressed into the spot just under my earlobe. “Listen well, Melanie. You know I don’t bullshit. Ever. There’s nothing you can do to make me love you. Nothing you can say, nothing you can buy. Not sex or the promise of it. Not a house or car. You do not and cannot make me love you. I just do. Something else you should figure out. You can’t make me love you, and you can’t stop me from loving you either.”
I couldn’t contain it. I let the torrent free and totally flooded the shoulder underneath my cheek. My fingers dug into his skin as I clung to his strong arm. I didn’t know how long it took for me to empty. It might have been a few minutes. It might have been an hour. He stayed there throughout the entire deluge, holding me, breathing into my hair, kissing my skin,