a thousand hills rolled into one. May you join Egungun’s Parade and pass into paradise at Core.
The lamp went out. When Sanjeet spoke again, his voice was chillingly calm.
“I’ve been planning to kill him,” he said. “All day, I’ve been trying to find a way to escape An-Ileyoba, leave the Children’s Palace, and infiltrate Father’s prison.” He gave a tight-lipped smile. “Then I realized, that’s the kind of stunt that would make him proud of me. I hope you never win the pride of a monster, Tarisai. It’s worse than their contempt.”
I rejoined him on the divan, and ran a thumb over his tear-stained cheek. “So make him ashamed of you. Stay here. Get anointed and be a protector instead of a killer. Dayo needs you, Jeet. He loves you, and you love him too. You passed his Ray test before any of us. That must mean something, right?”
Sanjeet grew very still. “Do you know why I was able to connect with Dayo’s Ray?” He gripped the edge of the divan, knuckles growing pale. “It’s because I had a younger brother just like him. I see people as a butcher marks an animal. Strength, weakness. Bones and flesh. But my brother, Sendhil … his Hallow was different. He saw weakness too, but in souls instead of bodies. He knew why people were hurting. Like Dayo, he knew just the right thing to say.”
I nodded, remembering how kindly Dayo had spoken to Zyong’o in court.
“Father thought my brother was too soft. He put Sendhil in pit fights, like me. Said it would ‘make a man out of him.’ But Sendhil lost every fight. He felt bad for his opponents, understood their pain too well. So Father sold him as a recruit to desert mercenaries. He was nine. Nine, Tarisai. And before the mercenaries came for him, Sendhil asked me to help him run away. But I … I refused. Scared of what Father would do if he caught us. And—” His face contorted with guilt. “I wanted Sendhil to enlist. I thought the mercenaries would make him stronger. He was too kind, I thought. Too naive. If he stayed that way, the world would eat him alive. I hated my father … But deep down, I was just like him.”
“You were just a child, Jeet. You did what you thought was best.”
“I betrayed my brother.” Sanjeet’s expression was hard. “And when Sendhil returned on leave a year later, he was different. He used to cry when Father beat Amah. Now he just watched, like … like he respected Father for it. And instead of using his Hallow to comfort, now he used it to destroy. He never lied, Sendhil, not ever. He didn’t need to. He could look at a stranger on the street and know the exact combination of words to reduce him to tears. Even Father was scared of him. So he returned Sendhil to the mercenaries, and soon after, Amah sent me away here. I never saw my brother again.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, placing my hand in his.
He stared into space, absently crushing my fingers. “Amah’s shade didn’t come,” he murmured. “Not even to give me advice. Maybe that means she’s at peace. That my place is here. You’re right, Tar; I can’t let Dayo turn into Sendhil. I won’t let him lose faith in the people he loves. I won’t let him know betrayal.” A chill chased up my now-numb fingers. He looked at me as though waking from a trance, expression softening. “You’ve helped me see my duty, sunshine girl.” His lips brushed the back of my hand. “Once you’re anointed, I know you’ll keep Dayo safe too.”
I extracted my hand, smiling at him nervously. “You can be more than the Prince’s Bear. You could use your Hallow to teach people how to heal. Kirah said you have theories on how to start someone’s heart again—pumping their chest with your hands. That’s amazing, Jeet. It could save lives.”
He nodded, but continued to smile at me with that restless, unsettling warmth. “I never let myself get attached to staying here, you know. While Amah was still alive, I couldn’t commit to any person, any place forever. But now …” He leaned toward me unconsciously, and my pulse quickened at his scent, earth and polished leather. His face glowed with an expression I had never seen on him before: joy.
“Let’s get anointed,” he murmured, breath tickling my face. “Right now. We’ll wake Dayo and connect with his Ray.