Ravenous - Helen Hardt Page 0,67
to do with everything,” I said. “His feelings about his father are going to color what he tells us.”
“You mean whether he tells us everything?”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“I only want to help,” Colin said. “I don’t want to see Jade or her family go through anything more.”
“What about me? Do you blame me for what my father did to you?”
“Of course not.”
“Your words are empty,” I said. “I can hear it in your tone. Part of you does blame me, and I can’t even fault you for that.”
“I don’t want to blame you,” Colin said.
“But you do.” I curled my hands into fists once more. “We’re in similar situations, you and I.”
“How so?”
“Your father is not the man you want him to be. Mine wasn’t either. Granted, mine was probably a thousand times worse than yours is, but still, he was my father. I wouldn’t exist but for him, and sometimes that’s very hard to deal with. Hard to reconcile.”
He looked at me then, met my gaze with understanding.
He and I actually had something in common.
“So I get it,” I continued. “I do. But if you ever cared about Jade, you need to accept your father for who he is and be completely honest with us. We can protect Jade, but only if we’re armed with everything you know.”
He nodded. “I know that. Why do you think I’m here?”
“Then you’ve told us all you know?”
“I have.”
“You’re lying, Colin,” Marj said. “You said there was stuff you couldn’t substantiate.”
“When I can substantiate it, I’ll tell you.” He looked down. “He’s still my father.”
As much as I didn’t want to, I understood. My father was still my father. Blood ran deep.
I cleared my throat. “When you can substantiate anything else, you’ll come to us?”
“I will. I’ll do anything for Jade. Part of me still loves her very much.”
Marjorie smiled then, and her smile put me at ease. Well, a little.
“Thank you, Colin,” she said. “Is there anything we can do for you?”
“No. I don’t need anything.”
She nodded. “All right.”
Colin stood. “I am really sorry. Sorry this all started. Honestly, if I hadn’t abandoned Jade the day of our wedding, none of this would have happened.”
“I know you’ve been through hell,” Marj said, “but don’t think of it that way. My brother needed Jade. She saved him. I’m not discounting what you’ve been through, but Talon went through the same at the hands of not one but three men, and he was an innocent child of ten. He lived with what occurred for over twenty years. It was Jade who helped him through it, gave him a reason to heal. In a way, you helped that happen.”
He inhaled deeply. “All because I was a coward and listened to my father. I think that might have been a turning point for my father and me. I think…”
I looked to Marjorie, hoping she would say something. She didn’t.
“Now you know who your father is,” I said. “That counts for something.”
“I don’t understand,” Colin said. “I never understood.”
Again I spoke more to myself than to Colin. “You never will.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Marjorie
Talon and Jade went into the city early for Jade’s checkup and the boys were at school, so I was alone in the main house. Bryce was at work, of course, only his second full day on the job. His first full day had gone well into the night. It was after midnight by the time we’d gotten home from the hotel. Though I’d been tempted to stay with him at the guesthouse, I’d come back to the main house and slept in my own bed. I didn’t want to cause any more unnecessary upheaval. My phone had died, I’d discovered, which was why I hadn’t heard Bryce’s call.
The last thing my family needed was to worry about me. We had two pregnant women, two troubled boys, and Joe and Bryce dealing with a repressed memory of Bryce’s father killing a young friend of theirs.
I was not about to add to the mix.
The image of my scar popped into my mind. At the moment, the cutting seemed ridiculous. I had everything. Fucking everything. I’d been born to great privilege, and having enough time to dwell on what was wrong in my life was simply another aspect of that privilege. Rumination leading to self-mutilation was a luxury, one I would now do without.
Again, I would not add to the mix.
Bryce mentioned when he saw me to the door last night that he was going to talk to Mel about his