Ranger - K.M. Neuhold Page 0,22

nod. “I wondered why you had switched allegiance, but that explains it.”

“I can’t help but deeply regret I never got to tell him… I feel so stupid that I didn’t realize it in time. If I had…”

“Nothing would’ve come from it,” Lucky says calmly. “You were in his chain of command. The intense friendship you had was already skirting the line. One of you would’ve had to transfer. We both know the army doesn’t fuck around when it comes to relationships within a unit. Fraternization within the ranks would’ve gotten you court-martialed.”

His words hit me like a dagger to the chest. In my head, I had pictured Alex and me together, serving proudly, but that would’ve never happened. The army would’ve never allowed me to be involved with him. I knew this, of course I did, but I guess I didn’t allow that reality to pierce through my dreams of what could have been so far.

I sigh. “You’re right, but still. It’s hard not to look back and blame myself or wonder what if…”

“Yeah, I can imagine.”

Somehow, telling Lucky about Alex makes the guilt a little lighter, the darkness inside me a little less oppressive.

“So who did you kiss last night?” Lucky finally asks.

“Julian. The dog trainer who trained Benny.” I give Lucky the abbreviated version of my friendship with Julian. “I’m completely fucked up about this. It’s too much, too soon.”

“It’s a kiss.”

“I know, but… It feels like much more.”

“I can understand that, but here’s the thing. I agree you’re not ready for a relationship. That’s too much right now. So why not have some fun with him and explore that side of yourself? Just see where it takes you? Not everything has to be super serious from the get-go.”

Huh. I never considered that as an option. To me, acknowledging my attraction to Julian meant somehow trying to start a new relationship. But I could opt to keep things light and just have fun. God knows I’ve always managed to keep it simple with women, so why not with him?

I just hope he still wants to talk to me after what happened.

12

Julian

PP noses my hand, licking my fingers and pulling me from my third bout of daydreaming of the morning. It was the shortest kiss in history, and yet I’ve managed to think about it on a constant loop in my head for the last thirtysome hours.

No matter from what angle I look at it, I still haven’t pinned down who made the first move. I’m terrified it was me. A friend in need calls me in the middle of the night because he’s worried about his dog, and I respond by kissing him. Brilliant. Truly one of my best moments.

I scoff at myself and shake my head, tossing handfuls of chicken feed onto the ground for the girls to eat.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve picked up my phone to call or text Ranger after getting home from his place two nights ago, but so far, the best thing I’ve come up with is “sorry I attacked you with my face,” which seems woefully inadequate and probably not the best way to save our budding friendship.

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway has my heart rate speeding up. No one ever comes out here, no one except Ranger. Well, he came once, but that feels like enough precedence for the hope fluttering in my stomach as I put the chicken feed away and walk briskly through the barn.

By the time I reach the other end, emerging where the driveway winds in front of the house, I’ve constructed a childish fantasy that Ranger is here to proclaim his undying love for me and that we’ll live happily ever after. This is what happens when you’re raised on too many Disney movies.

My heart lodges itself in my throat when I see him standing with his back to me, facing the house with tense shoulders, Benny glued to his side, wagging his tail slowly. PP grumbles at the sight of them, and I can’t help but chuckle at her less than welcoming attitude.

Ranger spins around and raises a hand in a tentative wave when he sees me, and I do the same. Pathetic much?

“If I do anything stupid like try to kiss him again, do me a favor and bite me,” I instruct Princess Pinecone. She sneezes, which I’m certain is a legally binding agreement.

Ranger and Benny make their way over.

“Hey,” he says when they reach