Raine (Gods of the Fifth Floor #2) - M.V. Ellis Page 0,82

of taking care of us both.” I paused. Suddenly my mouth felt so dry, it was as though I’d eaten the contents of a vacuum cleaner bag. I took a long pull on my beer to loosen things up.

“I partied hard as usual, and as the day went on I got looser and looser. Pretty soon into proceedings, I forgot about Lily altogether. It was only when Zach got home and lashed out at me, all guns blazing, that I remembered. I’d left my phone poolside, and when I retrieved it, I had endless calls and messages from Lily wondering where I was.

“Zach was raging. I mean, losing his shit, big time. He shut down the party and threw everybody out, then he pretty much dragged me to the car to go pick up Lily with him. I was in no fit state to drive—I was too drunk, and too high. I guess he was bringing me along partially as punishment, and partly for my own good—I wouldn’t have put it past me to get in the car and drive off, just to give him the finger. I hated him in that moment—everything about him—his serious face, the fact that he treated me like I was a kid and he was the parent.”

“You know all this stuff doesn’t make you a bad person though, right? They made you a teenager. One who needed love, support, and direction from his parents, but didn’t get it.” She reached across the table for my hands a second time, and again, I snatched them away from her. I didn’t want her comfort. That was a lie, I did want it, but I’d rather not have had it at all, than to have accepted it, only for her to withdraw it when she realized what a monster I was.

“Like I said before, you need to hear me out before you jump to any conclusions, even positive ones. I railed against him all the way to the mall. I called him every name under the sun, and told him I wished he was dead multiple times. I was out of fucking control. Even when we got to Lily, and I saw how upset she’d been, even then I didn’t stop. I barely slowed down to acknowledge her, let alone apologize for being such an asshole.” It occurred to me that I’d only ever told the whole story to the guys. Most people who knew me to whatever extent, had no idea about my past.

“As she sat in the back of the car, sobbing, and begging us not to fight, and for Zach to be careful on the road, I carried on bitching and whining to him. Or at him is more accurate.” I chanced a look at Noa’s face, and miraculously, rather than the disgust I was expecting to see, she seemed concerned more than anything.

“I was out of it—paranoid, and obsessed with how Zach had apparently ruined my life by making me look like a pussy in front of my friends when he shut down my party. I was screaming that he’d kidnapped me, and that he needed to let me go. I became determined to get out of the car—obsessed with the idea, really.” It all sounded so stupid now. It was stupid.

“He of course, had no intention of letting me go anywhere, because even when I was being a prize asshole, he still had my back. I, in my infinite stupidity, interpreted his concern as assholery and controlling behavior, and decided to take matters into my own hands. I tried to grab the wheel to force him to pull over.” The shock was starting to build on Noa’s face, no doubt she was racing ahead to fill in the blanks of the story, and realizing that she had literally made a date with the Devil.

“I made several uncoordinated swipes, and was so unfocused that I ended up with nothing more than an armful of air. This made me angrier and more belligerent as the moments ticked by.” I paused. The thought passed briefly through my mind that I could end the story there—just not finish, and I kidded myself that that way she would never have to know the full truth about me.

Then reality kicked in again, and I reminded myself that whether I said the words or not, she already knew.

“The adrenaline was coursing through my veins more powerfully than my drug of choice. I made another lunge, and the moment my