Raine (Gods of the Fifth Floor #2) - M.V. Ellis Page 0,79

and expect me not to have questions, and I’ll be honest, I think you said it because you want to share. To get it off your chest, maybe?” I reached across the small worn Formica table, and placed my hand on his wrist that lay unnaturally motionless as he spoke, but he snatched it away as though it had branded him. I withdrew my hand too, hurt by his rejection. “I’m not judging you, I promise. I just want to know what’s going on with you.”

“Of course you’re judging me. You judge me for the amount of coke I take, and weed I smoke, or the amount of whiskey I drink. You can’t sit there and say you’re not condemning me for having taken someone’s life. My sweet little sister’s fucking life.”

“I’m not judging you, because I have no idea of the circumstances, and that makes a big difference. I can’t promise that I won’t in the end, but right now, I’m reserving my opinion until I have the facts. And for the record, I don’t judge you for those other things, either. Worry about you? Yes. Judge you? No.”

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m not your problem, and my shit is not your business. Besides, I’m a big boy. I can take care of my own crap.” From what I had seen, that point was highly debatable, but I kept that gem to myself.

“I agree with you, it’s not my problem or my business, but somehow I still find myself concerned. Go figure. I’ve tried not to be, but apparently it’s not something I can turn off and on at will.”

“You should see someone about that savior complex. It will fuck you up.”

“Trust me, I know, and I have, yet... here I am. Tell me what happened,” I coaxed gently. Raine sighed heavily and rubbed at the furrow between his eyebrows. I wasn’t sure if he was going to open up at all.

“If you think what you know of me now is bad, you’d have hated the teenage version. I was a total douchebag punk, and it was all the clichés. My family make the Addams family look like the most normal, well-adjusted people on the planet. Don’t get me wrong, to the outside world we were the picture perfect WASP clan—attractive and successful businessman father, stunningly beautiful trophy-wife mother, and three cookie-cutter blond kids—me, my older brother Zach, and my little sister Lily.” His description conjured up a vivid image of him and his All-American family.

“On the face of it, we were the poster family for the American dream on steroids. Behind closed doors it was more like a fucking nightmare. Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t abused or anything like that. Every material need was taken care of—the best schools that money could buy, every latest gadget and gizmo, then cars when we were old enough, nannies, au pairs, chefs, luxury holidays around the world. You name it, we had it. Everything, except the one thing any kid wants growing up—two parents who love them.” Jesus. My heart instantly went out to young Raine.

“Scrap that. I’d have settled for just being seen, and feeling like I was someone who mattered to more than just Mai, or the au pair of the day. I know it sounds ridiculous, but at times I almost wished they had beat us, or mistreated us in some way. At least then I’d have had a valid reason for feeling like shit my entire childhood. Who knew that indifference could cut as deep as any knife?” He took a raggedly deep breath, and for the first time since he’d withdrawn his hand from me, he looked me in the eyes. He was fighting back the tears threatening to spill.

He looked away from me, staring seemingly at nothing across the other side of the room for a long moment—so long I thought he wasn’t going to continue. When he turned back to me, I realized he’d lost the battle. A single tear had wound its way down his face. He swiped it away roughly, and stared back at me angrily. I held his gaze and absorbed his rage, although I was fairly sure it wasn’t truly directed at me.

“My dad was an international man of mystery, always traveling for business, although I’m pretty sure he made plenty of time for pleasure, too. He seemed to consider his sole role as father to be to make sure that money was no object, and