Rage and Ruin by Jennifer L. Armentrout Page 0,189

mean he’s crossed over?” she asked.

“It could mean that,” I answered. “But Zayne said even death wouldn’t stop him. He wouldn’t have crossed over.”

You know that’s not always true, whispered a stupid voice of reason.

People died unexpectedly all the time—people who still had plans and loved ones. While alive, people fully believed they’d come back if they could, but most of the time people changed when they entered the light. Their desires and needs remained, but they crossed into the great beyond, and whatever that was reshaped them.

But Zayne hadn’t come back, even as a spirit, and I fully believed that if he had crossed over, he would have, even if it was to make sure I was okay.

“But what if he has crossed over,” Layla said quietly. “What if he’s found peace? Happiness?”

My gaze sharpened on her as my chest hollowed.

“What if he’s really okay? And he’s waiting for you when it’s your time.” Tears filled her eyes. “Is it okay to take him from that?”

No.

Yes.

A knot lodged in the back of my throat. What if he was at—No. I couldn’t let myself think that. I wanted him back too much. I couldn’t do this without him. I just couldn’t.

“He would want to come back to me,” I said. “I don’t think he’s crossed over.” The knot expanded, pushing out painful words. “I never got to tell him I love him. I should’ve told him that, but I didn’t and his last words to me were that it was okay—” My voice cracked as I clamped my mouth shut. It took several seconds before I could speak again. “I will get him back.”

“Trin,” Peanut whispered, and I looked over at him. “Think about what you’re saying. About what you’re planning to do.”

“I have thought about this,” I told him and then looked to Roth. “It’s all I have thought about. I know what it means.”

It wouldn’t be easy.

It would be damn near impossible, and I had no idea if Zayne would return to me as a Warden or as my Protector, but that would be a bridge we’d cross together.

Because I would succeed. Gabriel had been wrong. Rage and ruin had not corrupted me. They powered me. I would do anything, give up anything, to make Zayne’s return happen. Anything. Because we’d promised each other forever, and we would have that, one way or another.

Slowly, Roth lifted his gaze to mine and then, after an eternity, he nodded. “I will tell you how to find him.”

And he did.

43

It was a surprisingly cool day for July as I walked the worn dirt path of Rock Creek Park, thick clouds shielding the glare of the evening sun. Sunglasses were still perched on my nose, but I wouldn’t need them much longer. Night was about to fall.

Two days had passed since I’d woken up, and each step I took was still painful and stiff, but the fact that I was able to walk after having nearly every bone in my body broken only a handful of days ago was nothing short of a miracle.

So was the fact that I’d been able to escape Layla and Roth, who seemed to have moved in to the apartment, and the never-ending flow of Wardens. They’d been updated by either Roth or Layla, and whenever any of them were there, the somberness was as heavy and suffocating as a coarse blanket.

Everyone was still in shock. Everyone was still grieving the loss of...Zayne. And I think all of them were worried Gabriel might make a grab for me. While I was recovering, it would be as easy as him walking into the apartment and picking me up.

But even if I were fully healed, it wouldn’t be much harder.

Swallowing a sigh, I shuffled along as people jogged past, their sneakers kicking up puffs of dirt. The only reason I’d been able to sneak out was because Roth and Layla had left to speak to Lucifer, leaving Cayman in charge of watching me.

Within five minutes, the demon had seemingly passed out on the couch, but as I’d snuck out, I’d wondered if he was really asleep, or if he was giving me a chance to escape.

I needed to get out of the apartment, away from the wintermint smell that lingered in the bathroom and on the pillowcases I refused to change. I needed to see the real stars, and not the ones on my ceiling—the ones that belonged to Zayne. I needed fresh air, and I needed to get