Racing for Freedom - By Bec Botefuhr Page 0,28
walked away.”
“You knew you were leaving, didn’t you?” I say, suddenly piecing it together.
He nods. “Yes, I knew for months.”
“And you never thought to let me say goodbye? You knew I loved you Slade, you were my best friend.”
He swallows and I pull away, turning my head to the side and looking at the floor.
“I didn’t want to hurt you Dash, I knew you cared about me. When you came to that party, I was so fucking angry. I was angry at you for dancing with other men, I was angry that I couldn’t tell you everything I wanted to tell you, I was angry that I had to leave. I hurt you and there is no excuse for that, but if you think that I meant to or that I hated you, then you are so horribly wrong.”
“You broke me Slade, and then you came back and you were such a jerk.”
“I had to be, you don’t understand…”
“Make me understand,” I cry, throwing my hands up. “Make me understand why you came back and couldn’t even look at me. Make me understand why you didn’t come to my mother’s funeral, why you didn’t call?”
He looks at me so painfully it breaks my heart, his eyes twinkle with deep emotion that goes so much further than me. I want him to tell me, I want him to say what’s been keeping him so wound up and hidden.
“I drove out of this place the next day, knowing that you were at home sobbing over me and the loss of your mother but I had to go Dash. I wish…I wish I could tell you why but…believe me. It broke me.”
“It broke you?” I snarl. “How do you think I felt about it?”
“I know Dash, ok…”
“No, Slade, you don’t know. You treated me like a dog when you got back, you taunted me for looking after my father. You couldn’t even be friendly.”
“I couldn’t…god Dash…I couldn’t be nice when…”
“WHAT?” I scream.
“I can’t do this, I can’t tell you…I can’t.”
His eyes are pained and he looks so broken it truly hurts my heart. His eyes are lowered, his breathing is deep and he’s trembling. Whatever it is that made him run, has damaged him in some way.
“Why did you kiss me just now, Slade?”
He closes his eyes. “The other night you asked me a question and you didn’t let me finish answering it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You asked me what I wanted, and you cut me off before I could give you everything I wanted to say.”
I swallow and his eyes meet mine as he says the next words. “All I ever wanted, Dash, was you.”
I close my eyes and tears stumble down my cheeks, he takes my chin and tilts my head back, forcing me to look at him. I snatch my face away. I can’t do this, not to myself, not to my father. Slade is no good for me, he’s not. It doesn’t matter what I feel, he’s forbidden to me in so many ways. His father hates me, my father hates him. We’re competitors. It can’t work. It just can’t.
“Slade, we can’t do this again. I can’t give my heart to you when I don’t know if you’ll treat it the right way,” I whisper, walking away from him. “Don’t kiss me again.”
Chapter Twenty
I see her face in my dreams. Her beautiful happy face, and then suddenly it’s covered in blood and she’s screaming out for me, but I’m trapped on the cliff and I can’t help her. Her body slowly fades away and she calls my name, begging me to save her. I can’t save her though. I can’t get to her. Just one inch more and I can escape this cliff…then she’s gone and I’m screaming.
“Mumma!”
I bolt upright, panting and sweating. My throat burns and I know I’ve been screaming her name. I tremble and wrap my arms around myself, sobbing angrily and fighting back the blame. My door opens and I feel my bed shift, then a set of hard arms go around me.
“It’s ok,” Slade whispers.
“God dammit Slade, why do you keep saving me?” I cry. “I don’t deserve to be saved.”
“Everyone deserves to be saved, Dash.”
“It’s all my fault, I wasn’t there…I wasn’t there…if I had stayed home, they would have never gone to dinner.”
“No,” he murmurs, his voice thick.
“Yes, it’s my fault. I see her in my dreams, begging me to help her and I can’t. I’m just stuck on that cliff top.