Racing for Freedom - By Bec Botefuhr Page 0,13
I hiss. “Don’t you ever talk to me about that? You might be sorry, Slade, but you couldn’t possibly be more sorry than me. Except I’m sorry I ever did it. I’m sorry I ever let you in my heart. I’m sorry I gave my virginity to you and I’m sorry I ever let you treat me the way you did. You didn’t even say goodbye.”
He drops his cigarette and steps forward. “I fucked up Dash, what do you want me to say? You won’t accept my apology so what do you want me to do?”
“You took my virginity and then you left, with not even a goodbye.”
“I know that, but life isn’t always…it doesn’t always…”
“What?” I snap. “Go to plan?”
“Yeah, things happened Dash. I had to leave, I didn’t have a god dammed choice.”
“You hurt me, and then you came back and made it worse by being cold.”
“That’s the only way I knew how to be with you after that. I didn’t want to hurt you again, being an asshole and having you hate me is better than having you love me.”
“Why would you think that?” I whisper, staring at him with a pained expression.
“Just trust me Dash, we can never…we could never…”
“You couldn’t even speak to me, not even a hello?”
He closes his eyes. “I’m sorry ok? Do you think I don’t regret how I’ve treated you?”
“No, I don’t think you regret it. If you regret it, you wouldn’t keep doing it!”
He closes his eyes and slams a fist down onto his car. “Jesus Dash, you have no idea do you? You always lived in this little fantasy world and everyone has always let you, no one has ever made you face things…”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I say in a small voice.
“It means, not everything is how you think it is.”
I shake my head, my hands tremble with emotion. “You know what, I don’t have time for this.”
I turn and begin walking off when he calls out to me. “Dash, stop running from me. Talk to me.”
I spin. “What do you want from me Slade? Do you want to break me down until I have nothing left, just so you can win? Or maybe you want to fuck me again, just for fun? What is it you are so desperate to pull out of me? WELL?”
He stares painfully at me, it’s the first time I’ve seen pain in Slade’s face for a very long time.
“Dash, if you would just quit being so stubborn and listen. I would tell you that all I ever wanted…”
“Don’t bother,” I snap, cutting him off. “I’m done.”
I turn and storm across the road, unable to take anymore. I run down the small hill and across the grass. I jog the rest of the way home, desperate to get as far away from Slade as I can. When I get to my front porch it’s starting to rain, so I quickly duck inside. My father is standing in the kitchen and he jerks slightly when I step through the door. I can tell by his eyes that he’s drunk. Again.
“Where have you been, Dasha?”
“Out.”
He walks around slowly, as if trying to balance himself. “Out where?”
“To a party, not that it’s any of your business.”
Dammit, why am I being such a bitch, he’s only worried. I soften my expression, but he still looks hurt by my words.
“You had an accident on the track today.”
“It was a spin out, nothing major.”
“I was worried,” he snaps. “Don’t you care about anyone but yourself? I’ve been trying to call all night!”
That does it for me. “I don’t care, I said I’m fine.”
“I taught you how to do those corners, why did you try and do something you couldn’t?”
I lose it then, my emotions finally get the better of me and I begin screaming, my voice getting louder and louder with each word I spit out. “Well, maybe if you came down every now and then, instead of wallowing in this house, you might be able to teach me some new tricks. It’s been year’s dad, and all you’re doing is trying to kill yourself slowly. She’s gone and it wasn’t your fault. Your career is gone, but you can’t live like this. You can’t expect me to keep doing it for you. I won’t buy you alcohol anymore, I won’t. If you want to buy it, you get off your ass and you go and buy it. I’m done. I’m moving out.”
He flinches and his eyes