She had to suffer only until the end of the race season, and then all would be well. Provided everything goes according to plan, he thought. They were placing a lot of hope in the hands of a young girl. Of course, the rider wasn’t alone—she had her trainer. He’d seen the core strength in Tamra Verlas, and he trusted that.
“Hello, Yorbel? You look as if you’re listening to bells playing miles away.”
“Sorry. I am overtired. Yes, you heard correctly—I purchased a kehok to start the emperor-to-be’s racing program.”
“Why, by the sands, would you do such a thing? You didn’t mention the emperor-to-be setting you on this task when I talked to you before you left.”
Ahh, that was true. “It was my own initiative,” he admitted. Also true. “I thought it would be a pleasant distraction for the emperor-to-be. He has been consumed by worries that he’s powerless to alleviate.”
“So you bought him a pet monster? Why not a puppy? Or a kitten?”
“The people seem to enjoy the races,” Yorbel said. “I thought it would give Dar a connection to the people. Frankly, I only wanted to help.”
Gissa laughed. “You are . . . you are who we all should be. Good.”
He almost winced. Good people did not deceive their closest friends, especially when the truth could lift a worry from her shoulders. But he thought of Dar and instead said, “Tell me what I’ve missed here. How fares everyone in the temple? How are you? Have you enjoyed being home?”
“Oh, no, you aren’t changing the subject so easily! You’re the one who went out and had adventures. Tell me about this kehok you found. I admit I have never seen one up close.”
“Most are repugnant—slime, tentacles, jaws, a melding of animals that shouldn’t be associated with one another. In contrast, the beast I purchased for Dar is oddly beautiful, like a statue of a lion made of metal. But because of that, it is even more disturbing, as you look at it and know it shouldn’t exist in the world.” It was horrifying that the late emperor had become a creature that felt so wrong when you looked at it. That should never have been his fate. He should have been reborn as a being that was part of the natural order and granted peace in his next life for the good he’d done as emperor. His glory should have been remembered in murals and statues and pillars proclaiming his achievements.
Gissa patted his arm. “You must be relieved to be home and done with that.” She stood as if preparing to leave. “You look exhausted, and I’m afraid I’ve burdened you further with my curiosity.” She didn’t cross to the door, though.
“Talking with you is never a burden.” He meant that. Simply being with a friend already made him feel lighter. “It’s only that this was a difficult day. I am not suited to the tasks I have assumed, though I suppose one could argue I have only myself to blame.”
She laughed again. It was nice to hear her laugh, so free and uncomplicated by all he knew and wished he didn’t know. “At least you didn’t try to read the kehok. Imagine how you’d feel if you sank your mind into that filth. Dirt can be washed off.” Peering at him, she frowned. She sat down again, closer to him, and placed her hands over his. “Oh, no, you did read the monster. Yorbel, you shouldn’t have. What did you see? Unburden it to me. Perhaps that will restore some measure of lightness to your own soul.”
“I saw so much darkness.”
“And?”
He wanted to tell her all and spill the filth from his own heart. She was right—if he could unburden himself of even a bit of it, he would lighten his load. But that would be unfair to Gissa to ask her to carry his secrets and guilt and pain, especially since she’d have to keep it from the other high augurs. He couldn’t ask that of her. Once this was over and she was free, then she could know all. Instead, he spoke the lie he’d practice with Lady Evara, and felt himself shrivel inside. “This kehok has been through many lives as a monster. His humanity was a distant shadow. He must have lived and died as a man many decades ago. I could not see clearly what horrors he committed that doomed him to his fate, and for that