way down the street as I pumped the pedals of my bike with furious speed. I’d wanted to hurt her. I’d wanted her to be sorry. I’d said I hated her.
I’d said I wished she was dead.
Were those normal things for an ordinary son to think or say? I didn’t know. I just knew I’d heard my father wish my mother dead much of my life. It was my normal. But I’d never actually wanted it to come true, never wanted her to vanish from my life.
My phone rang in my hand as I closed in on my father’s house. Seeing Kahu’s name on the screen, I felt my lips kick up.
“Hey,” I said, and leaned against a kōwhai tree to give my foot a break.
“Hey.” His voice was off by a small margin. “I saw the news about your mother. That’s dark shit. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.”
Nothing from the other side.
“So yeah, that’s why I called. Later, man.”
“Why do you sound like you have a stick up your butt?”
“Fuck you, you asshole.” He hung up.
And I knew. I’d forgotten something important.
Flicking back through our text message history, I saw a bunch from Kahu the night of the accident. I hadn’t replied to any of them.
What the fuck, Aarav. She was mine.
Fuck you, man.
She was fucking hanging on my arm when you rolled up.
Flashing your money and your car.
Talentless trash hack.
So, this was over some woman. Probably Daisy, since she’d been in the Porsche when we crashed. Which meant Kahu had been at the same publishing party that night. Not a big surprise. New Zealand had a small publishing scene, and if the hosts had been aiming for media coverage, having both me and Kahu around would’ve upped their chances.
I must’ve been in a seriously bad headspace to move on a woman Kahu’d been interested in, damage my only real friendship.
I didn’t realize she was that important to you, I messaged back. Sorry for being an ass. An apology was just words. Easy to say if it meant Kahu would talk to me again.
“Protect the bonds with the people you can trust,” my mother had said to me as we crossed over to Diana’s house one day. “Those bonds are rare. A person who won’t stab you in the back is a gift.”
Paige’s amused voice blended with the edge of that memory. “Kahu would stab you the instant you won a literary award. He’s only friends with you because he thinks he’s better than you.” Eyes as green as the bush, staring at me. “You surround yourself with nasty people who hurt you.”
But in the end, Paige had broken what little heart I had, and Kahu had stuck around. He was the one who’d called even though he was pissed off at me, while she kept a cold silence. Paige really could hold her grudges.
I was about to walk through my father’s front door by the time my phone buzzed again. Shifting direction, I sat down in one of the comfortable outdoor chairs on the front patio and said, “Hey.”
“You’re a definite ass. Some lines you don’t cross.”
“At least you know not to waste time on her.”
“I’m giving you the finger.” No anger in his voice.
“You didn’t come see me in hospital.” Since it was becoming clear that I couldn’t remember much of my hospital stay, I didn’t know that for certain, but it sounded like something Kahu would do in a snit.
“I sent you a fucking fruit basket. Knew you weren’t dying.”
Laughter broke out of me. “Jesus. You were really mad, huh? A fucking fruit basket?”
He chuckled. “I thought about going full passive-aggressive and ordering one of those wanker ‘wellness’ kits, but you did just get out of an induced coma, so . . .”
We both laughed, and the barrier of anger fell. Just like that. That’s what Paige had never understood about my friendship with Kahu. We might be dicks to each other, and Kahu might be a bit backhanded in his compliments, but in the end, we knew no other friend would put up with our shit, so we kept the dick behavior to a certain level.
That’s why he’d been so angry about Daisy.
We spoke for a while, about his new girlfriend, about writing, and about everything but my mother’s bones. Kahu and I, we didn’t do deep and meaningful. The closest he’d ever come to that was to say, “Paige, she actually likes you. You got lucky. Hold on to her.”