tight at the thought. No and no. He wanted love, not just passion of the body, he wanted it freely given.
A door below swung open and a woman entered, carrying a tray of wine cups. She bent over to set the tray before the women playing cards. Gerek didn’t need to see her face to recognize Kathe. He knew how she walked, how she swept a hand over a surface, as if to banish dirt and ugliness. As if, he thought, she could order the world into beauty with a gesture.
I love her.
* * *
THE NEXT DAY dawned early and dull, and imminent with rain. Gerek crouched over his desk, wished Lord Kosenmark and all his minions to the darkest corner of the void. He ought to be pleased, he told himself. Katje and Theo had departed with their horses, money, and provisions. Ralf and Udo had set off directly for the ship with the captain’s instructions. He had even remembered to arrange a special signal with the captain, apart from the agent, in case of any emergency.
I should dance with joy, and yet I cannot.
He knew why and did not like to think about it.
Scowling, he buried himself in paperwork. At some point, Hanne came with his noon meal tray. He nibbled at the bread and drank down his coffee. The grilled fish he set aside for one of the house cats, a recent innovation by Nadine. Report came back from Ralf at noon, saying they were signed on with the crew. Another report, from the captain this time, confirmed that the ship’s victualing was nearly complete. If all went well, the ship could sail in another day.
A loud knock at the door startled him. Gerek hastily covered the ship’s paperwork with some blank sheets of paper. “Come in.”
He had hoped it would be Kathe. He expected a runner, or one of the kitchen girls to fetch away his tray. Instead the door opened on Nadine.
She wore her finest courtesan’s costume—a silk gown of dark apricot that flowed like a waterfall over her slim body. Her dark hair swept back from her narrow face and made a second shadow waterfall, which hung over her bare shoulder.
Nadine remained at the door. Her expression was one of curiosity and faint impatience.
“Yes,” he said at last.
She arched one delicate eyebrow. “I came,” she said softly, “because I am a friend. Also, one day I would like to turn messenger for idiots and fools. I have so much practice in this household. Do not stare so blankly,” she went on, “or I shall be moved to violence. The message is not from another. It comes from you, Maester Gerek Hessler. Or rather, it should.”
Gerek swallowed to calm his throat muscles. “Who—”
“That would spoil the surprise,” Nadine said. “Go to the spider room this instant. Never mind about those papers on your desk. Go. Give your message. You will understand once you have.”
She gave a magnificent flourish with one hand—the gesture clearly meant as mockery—and dropped into deep bow. Before Gerek could react, Nadine withdrew from his office with a dancer’s grace.
Gerek stared at the closed door. It had to be a prank. What else? Nadine and Eduard were famous for them. But until today, they had ignored Gerek. He had supposed, at first, that his position safeguarded him, but conversations with Kathe soon corrected that belief. Nadine teased and tormented everyone, from Mistress Denk and Mistress Raendl to the newest stable boys, without regard for rank. She had teased Ilse Zhalina and Maester Hax in their days, too. So then he had assumed she found him too ordinary to bother with. Was this sudden change a part of the strange mood infesting the house?
Or was it something else?
Cursing himself for a fool, he put aside his papers. He checked all the locked boxes and set the bolts and spells on his office. If they wanted to make him into a fool, he was used to that, but he would not neglect Lord Kosenmark’s orders about discretion, even inside the pleasure house.
The spider room was on the second floor in the east wing. He had passed by its door several times, but had never ventured inside. It was a luxurious room—almost too luxurious. Kosenmark once called it his finest extravagance. Courtesans used the room for special clients. Gerek hurried down the stairs. He noted no one waiting about as if watching for him. He crossed over to the east wing, which was equally empty