you. I don’t want to do something and have it be my fault that I lost…” I can’t bring myself to say it. “It’s weird, being responsible for someone else’s life like this.”
“I can imagine it would be.” He picks me up and carries me into the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed with me in his lap.
“I wish you were pregnant instead of me,” I sigh.
“I don’t, and I don’t want to think about it.” Lucas shudders. “It’s a disturbing thought.”
My eyes are filling with tears again, but this time I don’t try to blink them away. “Being pregnant is weird.”
“Do you not want to be pregnant?” he asks slowly.
“I do,” I assure him. “I want to have our baby. I want us to have the family we never thought we’d have. I don’t like having the responsibility of keeping this baby safe inside my uterus, though.” I blink and get a flash of Lucifer standing in Abby’s foyer. The smell of her blood was so strong, and the memory of it brings a wave of nausea over me. I slowly inhale, breathing in the scent of my room to remind myself I’m not there, not in the foyer.
The scent of my lavender laundry detergent lightly lingers on my sheets, and I can smell the sweet lemongrass candle on my dresser. It was too pretty to actually burn, and the light scent it gives off is perfect. I didn’t notice it much before, so I guess what they say about your sense of smell getting more sensitive during pregnancy is true.
“Don’t doubt yourself,” Lucas says softly. “I know I’m not the one carrying our baby, but I’m here, Callie. You’re not going through this alone, and I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
I tip my head up and press my lips to his. “I know.” And he will. He’d fight to the very end if it meant keeping me—and now our child—safe. And I fear that end might come sooner than either of us think.
Chapter 17
I rake my fingers through my hair, untangling a knot. “I’m almost ready,” I tell Ruby, who’s sitting on my bed, flipping through my Book of Shadows. “Sorry I’m taking forever.”
“It’s fine. It gave me a chance to be nosey and go through your stuff. This is the spell you used to break the curse Ruth cast on Lucas?”
I glance over at the open page. “Yeah.”
“It’s genius.”
“I can’t take credit. Remember Felix from the Academy? He was a year above us.”
Ruby closes the book. “Yeah. You dated him, didn’t you?”
“I did.” Lucas is downstairs, but I know he can hear our conversation. Vampires are jealous and possessive in nature, and while Lucas doesn’t get stupid with jealousy, he still shows some of the typical vampire behavior.
Which I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find flattering. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a man who controls me—and Lucas knows he can’t even fucking try to tell me what to do—but knowing he’d do anything for me is a turn-on.
“He’s the one who came up with the spell. Evander called him as a favor, and he came and helped us lift the curse. I kinda made him swear not to tell anyone he was helping a vampire.”
“Wow. I wondered why he randomly showed up in town only to rush back to the Academy where he teaches.”
“Curse breaking is his thing. He was fascinated to try the spell.”
“Sure, that’s the only reason he came running back here,” Ruby teases.
“Hah, but no. We had our fun and things ended mutually. He’s a good guy but we both knew things weren’t going to work between us. There was never that spark.” I open my jewelry box and put on the simple silver bracelet that belonged to my mother. “And he was always bothered that I scored higher than him in pretty much every subject.”
“Men,” she huffs. “They have such fragile egos.”
“Right? Like god forbid my defensive charms are more effective than yours. Sorry for not being helpless.”
“Oh, but you should be sorry. Because if you can defend yourself, how will a man prove he’s stronger than you?”
I laugh. “Back when Kristy and I would go out to bars, we’d play this game where we’d pretend not to understand really simple things and let guys explain things to us. It was more fun than it sounds, trust me, and we’d compete to see who could get the guy we were talking with to