Pushing His Luck - Rhyannon Byrd Page 0,25
it, asshole, he silently lectured himself.
Swallowing against the knot of lust that was lodged in his throat, he looked into her thick-lashed eyes and thought back to the last thing she’d said, a heavy wave of uneasiness tightening across his shoulders as he imagined it. “That couldn’t have been easy,” he murmured. “Talking things out like that with a total stranger.”
“Not if you find the right one.” She frowned as she studied his expression. “Haven’t you ever been?”
Paul shook his head, thinking it would be a cold day in hell before he subjected himself to that kind of nightmare. He’d rather have his damn teeth pulled out than open his veins for some shrink.
“Huh,” she murmured, sounding genuinely surprised.
“What?” he asked with a crooked, uncomfortable smile. “Why’s that so surprising?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted with a soft laugh, shaking her head. “I guess because you have one of the most stressful jobs in the world. If anyone’s going to have shit they need to shovel and talk about with someone they can trust, it seems like it would be a cop.”
“Some cops do. But…it’s not really my thing.”
Her lashes lowered for a moment, then lifted, and he found himself bracing as she looked him right in the eye and said, “About what you mentioned earlier—that you felt toxic after what happened with Jenna. That’s the kind of thing that can fester and cause all kinds of damage. So as your friend, I’m going to tell you that you should really find someone to talk to about what happened.”
“I don’t need—”
“Don’t be a macho asshat and tell me that you don’t need to because you’re fine,” she cut in, rolling her eyes. “Just find someone you feel comfortable with and talk.”
“I’m talking to you,” he blurted, hating how fucking desperate he suddenly sounded.
She caught her lower lip in her teeth, then shook her head again. “Nice try, but I don’t count.”
“Really? Because it’s started to become really fucking clear to me that you’re the only one who does count.” The telling words tumbled out of him before he could hold them back, and he knew from the way she flinched and shifted away from him, her body facing forward in her seat again, that he’d said the wrong thing.
“Don’t,” she breathed out a second later, the catch in her voice making him feel like a dick. “Just because we’re talking and getting along doesn’t mean you can say things like that to me. Not after the way you hurt me.”
“I know,” he rasped, while his pulse roared like an engine in his ears, “and I wish I could say I hadn’t meant to, Rin. But I refuse to lie to you.”
He watched as she unhooked her seatbelt, half expecting her to make a run for it. But that was crazy, because her little boy was fast asleep in his backseat, and even if he wasn’t, Paul realized that running wasn’t her style. No, that dickless move belonged completely to him, and God only knew how long it was going to take for him to dig his way out of the miserable hole he’d dug for himself. “I just… Christ, I wish you’d let me make it right. I can’t stand not being around you. And I sure as fuck can’t stand the thought of you going out with other men.”
“There are so many things I need to say about that,” she murmured with a heavy sigh, reaching for her door handle, “but I can’t do this right now. It’s been a long night, and I need to get Jase inside.”
“Yeah, okay,” he muttered, opening his own door. By the time he came around the back of the truck—the faint sounds of the bonfire that was still in full-swing only just reaching them—she’d already opened the backdoor and was trying to reach in for Jase without dumping the kid’s backpack and her purse onto the ground.
“Here, I’ve got him,” he said, gently nudging her aside. Then he reached in and lifted the little boy into his arms, easily settling him onto his shoulder.
“Are you sure?” she asked, hoisting Jase’s backpack higher onto her shoulder, along with the strap to her purse.
“It’s all good,” he assured her, genuinely happy to help out, while hating that this was the kind of thing she always had to do on her own, thanks to her asshole of an ex.
She gave a little nod, and he followed after her as she started walking across the lot, his