Pure Requiem - Aja James Page 0,11

or may not have hysterically laughed at this point until my stomach cramped and tears streamed down my face).

When I finally calm down enough to breathe normally, I trudge into the en suite bathroom with its wall of mirrors on one side.

According to Benjamin, I have dark hair like my…like Ishtar, and blue-green eyes like Tal. The image in the mirror shows one of my disguises, the Creature who is both male and female and neither at the same time, with long, wavy black hair, pale, translucent skin, and evil black eyes glowing red at the centers.

Slowly, I let my form change into that of Binu, the looks of the young human male I often take. The appearance I imagine for someone of privilege, erudition and refinement, the opposite of the maniacal, disgusting Creature.

Then, faster and faster, I cycle through the countless forms I’ve taken across the endless millennia of my existence, until I’m heaving with exhaustion, my skin clammy, cold sweat dripping down my chin.

Fuck! I can’t do this. I no longer know what my true form is. I’ve lost myself long ago.

I’ve taken forms that have dark hair and blue-green eyes, but I know that none of them are the real me. At the same time, I don’t know any more what I really look like.

I’m the Creature. I’m a thing. An ugly, rotten, filthy, depraved, monstrous thing!

How can I possibly be theirs? Tal and Ishtar’s? Inanna’s brother? It doesn’t make sense! It’s a fucking LIE!

Because if I’m truly theirs, why have they forsaken me all this time? Why did they leave me to be hurt and abused? Do I deserve it? Do they think I deserve it? What’s wrong with me?

Please! Gods! Dark and Pure Goddesses, you fucking, lying, evil bitches! Tell me what I did wrong!

Tell me—why am I so wrong?!

WHY!

(This may be where I finally passed out in a messed up heap on the bathroom floor).

*** *** *** ***

The sand-papery rasp of a warm tongue against my face makes me stir to wakefulness.

I slowly open one eye, and then the other. The furry face of the most adorable (gigantic) kitten in the world comes into focus.

She blinks those bright violet eyes at me through a fringe of thick lashes and twitches her whiskers.

“How did you get in here, you sneaky little feline?” I mumble with barely a voice, my throat rough from the recent unmanly fits of railing and blubbering.

Bet the mighty General would never show such weakness. Just goes to show I’m not a man. Not in the ways that count.

“I got Val to let us in,” my favorite person in the universe chirps loudly beside me. “I hope you don’t mind. We were worried by the commotion in your apartment. Are you okay?”

No, I’m not okay, but thanks for asking, Benjamin.

What I say out loud is, “I’m just peachy keen.”

The kitten goes back to licking my face, then my throat, then my hands, wherever she can reach. She rubs her thickly furred body all along me, still sprawled in a discombobulated heap on the tiled floor, and vibrates like a small motor, purring loudly.

My breath hitches as I realize who she is.

Not that I believe the Pure Ones, but just for the sake of argument. If I follow the logic presented to me, this spotted leopard kitten is a version of Ishtar’s animal form. I’ve seen the gigantic White Beast when she pounded Medusa into the ground, but I’ve never seen the kitten version until the Pure Ones brought me here.

I’d suspected before…but now I know. This is Ishtar Anshar.

My mother.

I don’t comment on the fact that I know. I don’t want to dissect the mess in my mind, and I don’t want her to transform into her humanoid form because that may be too much for my crazy—crazier—self to handle just now.

So I pretend she’s just a normal kitty, and I’m just a normal boy.

Well, man.

Whatever.

I just want to enjoy the moment with my kitty and my son.

“You don’t look that great,” Benjamin says bluntly, disturbingly honest.

“You don’t smell so great either.” He wrinkles his nose and scrunches his brow.

“Maybe you should take a shower and change your clothes. I brought a wagon of food with me. We can have it together. It’s dinner time. Mom and Dad said I can eat with you.”

Mom and Dad…

Inanna and Gabriel. My sister and her Mate.

None of them knows about my relationship with Benjamin. Gabriel used to be married to Olivia, Benjamin’s birth mother. A