so hard and had to keep going. Blood ran from her nose. It became harder to inhale without choking and then she coughed involuntarily and sucked air through her mouth and pain roared in with it. She spat and what came out left trails of white vapor. She felt terribly afraid that her lungs were filling with blood. She would slow and stumble and stop and be able to do nothing but watch as the salamander slowly pulled away.
She willed strength into her legs. Just a little farther, please. She stared at the lumbering salamander and tried to pull it closer with her mind. She was so close that she could see its skin ripple with each step. She could hear sounds it was making: chuk, chuk. Its head turned again. She saw it try to increase its pace but it couldn’t and her heart leaped at the sight.
David? It’s me. There’s something I want you to know. I’m sorry this took me so long. But I didn’t know how to say it.
I’m sorry you married a happy girl who turned into me.
I’m sorry I let you hope she might ever come back.
I’m sorry I gave you so much less than you deserve.
David, I’m sorry, but I’m not coming home.
The salamander collapsed in front of her, its legs falling over one another. Its head hit rock and slid. It was sudden but also the only thing she’d been thinking about, so she raised the gun over her head and clubbed at the salamander with as much force as she and the gravity could muster. It buckled and kicked. She fell on top of it. Something slapped across her face, thick toes, rough and sharp. She lost the gun. She groped for its head, limbs, anything. But it was too strong and it heaved and sent her sprawling forward. She twisted and rose on legs she could barely control.
The salamander faced her, a few yards away. Shivers ran in waves up and down its skin. Its head dipped and rose. Its breathing was hoarse and erratic. The gun lay on the rock behind it. She took a step to the left. The salamander’s head followed, but it didn’t shift its footing. She took another step. There was pain in every part of her. But she kept taking steps until she’d circled around to the gun. Instead of turning to face her, the salamander’s head dropped. She picked up the gun. She gripped the barrel and raised it above her head and at the last moment the salamander summoned the strength to turn but she struck it solidly and it collapsed. Her momentum carried her to her knees, closer to the thing than she’d intended. She got a good grip on the gun and drove the stock into the salamander’s head again and again, until finally it was still.
She stared at it until she was sure it was dead. “Ha,” she said. There was more she wanted to add, but even that word was painful. Everything was on fire. She rolled onto her back. She felt okay in a way she hadn’t for a long time. Her body was aflame but there was a stillness in her heart. She turned her head so that she could watch the salamander’s body until the end. “Ha,” she said.
14
[Anders]
THE HIVE
Eventually he made out a dark shape like a sack on the rocky plain ahead. He couldn’t tell whether it was one shape or two. His suit fan was running at its limit and his faceplate had fogged. He shuffled on until he was close enough to make out detail.
When he reached them, he sat. He hung his head and breathed.
The light was fading, shadows creeping out of cracks in the rock.
He unslung the converter. He lay on his back and looked up at the cloud. How much he hated that cloud, he had no words. It was the ugliest fucking thing he’d ever seen.
He sat up, unrolled Jackson’s suit, and lay it over her body. Beside her, the salamander’s head had been eaten away by chemical reaction where Jackson had caved it in. The butt of the lightning gun was corroded, too. The damage seemed superficial, though.