Proof of Life (The Potentate of Atlanta #4) - Hailey Edwards Page 0,84

had overheard Liz’s long talks with my mother. “You hate your mother that much?”

A dull black sheen veiled her eyes.

“No question answered,” Grier murmured an interpretation of the new result.

“I loved my mother. That’s what you have to understand. I loved her. I bent over backwards to live up to her standards. I did and said whatever I thought would make her happy, or at least not make her angry.” I stripped the hurt from my words and pressed on. “All I wanted was to make her proud.” I swallowed hard. “I just wanted to not hurt.”

Midas crossed to me and took my hand in his, reminding me I wasn’t alone, that love didn’t require pain.

“I thought if I was good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, that she would love me back. I thought if I was a better daughter, she would find me worthy.” I stared at Ares, but she had to glance away. “I tried. So hard. For so long.” I watched my shadow pacing, as if he too were upset. “I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I had no identity outside of being the empty vessel I had become for her to fill with her anger, and I cracked the day I realized I would never be enough in her eyes.”

And then I went and bargained with Ambrose, still thumbing my nose at her, and ended up in the same place as where I started. Empty of self and yet overflowing with another’s purpose for me.

The choice to move to Atlanta, to survive, was the first one I had ever made fully for myself in my life.

“We’re all responsible for our own actions and for the consequences of those decisions. That sucks extra hard if you have a crap role model and don’t comprehend up from down or left from right. But you can’t afford to let yourself off the hook, not even once. Otherwise, you’ll keep excusing your behavior until you never find a reason to swallow the blame for anything you do ever again.”

“I’m sorry for what she did to you,” Ares said. “No child should have to fear their parent.”

Black.

More tears, harder tears, cut tracks down her cheeks as she visibly struggled to come to a decision.

“There are two places she might have gone.”

Green.

“A warehouse in Buckhead or a condemned auto parts store in Alpharetta.”

Green.

“Thank you.” I shot to my feet. “You’re doing the right thing.”

While Midas collected more detailed information, I stepped outside the cell, and Linus followed me.

“What you said in there…” black swallowed his eyes from corner to corner, “…I had no idea.”

“No one did.” I rolled a shoulder, but it hitched under his steady regard. “I made sure of it.”

As if unable to resist, he tossed out, “Not even Boaz?”

“Especially not him.” I sawed my upper teeth over my bottom lip. “He’s always been the one good thing in my life. Bright, funny, outgoing.” I wasn’t sure if I was explaining it right, but it wouldn’t matter in the days to come, when I had harder questions to answer. “No matter how bad it got, I could go to him, and he was always there with a quick hug or an idiotic idea guaranteed to get us grounded or just a shoulder when I was tired and sore and hurting.” I blasted out a sigh. “He’s not perfect by any means, and I would never encourage anyone to date him, but he’s the best big brother a girl could ask for and then some. He loved me, loves me, no matter what.”

For me, he had squared off with our mother after she disowned me.

For me, he had given up on the dream of something more with Grier.

For me, he had wooed Addie so I could claim Hadley’s name as my own.

And he had done all those things out of love, not guilt. Love. However misguided his actions might be, he always battled his heart over his head when it came to those he loved most. I was the chink in his armor, the exception to his rules, and he had no clue how often he had saved my life with a well-timed hug that convinced me tomorrow would be better than today.

“Despite our issues,” Linus said gently, “I will admit he’s not without his redeeming attributes.”

“Don’t go getting soft on me.” I punched him in the upper arm. “I won’t know what to think.”

Ducking his head, he huffed out a small laugh. “How do you