that it is strong enough to overcome every other obstacle.”
He frowned. “Your radiant appearance is merely an added benefit to the match. But, no, that is not the reason I seek your hand.”
“Then why, sir?”
“You are a damsel in distress, are you not? I saw it the moment I laid eyes on you. The anguish written into your every movement convinced me that I was the man to change that.”
He could not be serious. “You have pursued me all this time because I was unhappy when we first met?”
“My dear Miss Brinton, you were not merely unhappy. It was as though you would never smile again. I shall never forget; you were wandering the garden area of the park, and when I inquired after you it was related that your engagement some months before had ended in the most egregious manner. I instantly set about to rescue you from your despair.”
I gaped at him. This man did not care anything for me. All this time his only wish had been to become someone’s knight in shining armor. He, not Mr. Northam, had been my perfect choice all along. My heart would be safe with him and, it would seem, he would never expect love in return. Only contentment.
Could I be content with him? No matter how sweet his words nor how tender his touch, he would never move my heart the way Lord Williams had. I would be entirely safe with him.
Yet I ached for the way Lord Williams’s presence had filled me. With Mr. Lundall, I would always be empty.
But that is what I had wanted. What I had promised to secure.
Could I do it?
I stood and faced the window. “You still wish to marry me, though there will never be love between us?”
He stood and stepped toward me, though it took a moment for him to respond. “Yes.”
I turned and took in his determined smile and the trace of hope in his eyes. There was no mistaking that he was a kind man. A woman could do much worse in life than choosing him for a companion, even if it meant altering her ways to conform to those of a dandy. A patient woman might curb his flair. In time he would most likely become the best of companions. He would always be good looking.
For one brief moment, I allowed myself to imagine what marriage to him would be like. He would never mistreat me, of that I was certain. And I would have some measure of freedom with him, probably more than most women obtained from their husbands. I might even grow to be content.
I would do it. I would tell him yes and let him rescue me from my foolishness and my selfishness and my longing for Lord Williams. I would accept his offer, and he would take me away from the past, away from this place, away from my memories of hurtful love.
Away to some place different, yes. But not away from who I was.
I would merely be changing one place of stagnation for another. I wouldn’t really be changing anything except location and marital status. I wouldn’t be free.
Neither would he.
What good was the future if it contained only the prison of the past?
“Mr. Lundall.” I hesitated, then placed my hand lightly on his arm. “I wish you to know that I appreciate your attentions and your offer. If I were a wiser woman, I am certain I would accept you. But I do not love you. I am afraid I cannot marry without that love.”
“I do not need your love.” His eyes pleaded for it to be true though his voice betrayed his doubt.
I dropped my hand. “You may not, but I need to love the man I marry. And I expect love in return. Marriage would become no more than a prison for us both.”
After a moment of quiet, he asked, “You are certain?”
No. I wasn’t certain. He might be the last man to ever offer for me. And then what would become of me?
But I was certain that remaining as I was would not free me.
I wanted to be free. “Yes,” I replied.
Mr. Lundall’s smile was sad and resigned. “Very well.” He put his hat on. “I bid you a good day.” Then he turned and walked out of the room.
Forty
I settled myself at the piano after dinner a few days later with a collection of music before me. Daniel approached a short while later. “Leave off playing, Margaret. Come join