I scooted over on the cushion. She plopped beside me, the jolt bouncing me into the air. At that moment Lord Williams entered the room.
I struggled to right the skirts of my dress, but Miss Perrin shot out of her seat, unsettling me on the cushion once again.
“Oh, your lordship!” she exclaimed.
He strode into the room with a wide smile. “Lady Cox, Miss Perrin, Mrs. Hargreaves. It is wonderful to find you all here.” He kissed each lady’s hand in turn.
Lady Cox’s surliness disappeared. “We are so pleased you have returned. I admit I was surprised by your continued absence. We had thought you would not be away more than two days.”
Ignoring me completely, Lord Williams stood next to Miss Perrin. Rather close. Close enough that it appeared his hand brushed hers. My chest tightened.
“I apologize for staying away so long,” he replied. “I encountered business that detained me from returning.”
Business? I was business? He was acting more like the Lord Williams from the Hickmores’ and less like the man I’d come to believe him to be.
Perhaps I had been correct all along. If so, it was a hollow victory.
“Business is so odious.” Lady Cox proceeded to relate some tale regarding something she had done the day before.
“I am so glad you’ve returned,” Miss Perrin whispered to Lord Williams.
“As am I,” he replied with a rather intimate smile.
This couldn’t be happening. He had professed his desire for my hand only two days before, yet his regard for Miss Perrin was unmistakable. He acted as though I weren’t even there.
Perhaps he was exactly like Edward, courting me as business while retaining a true regard for someone else.
Yet was this not exactly what I had set myself up for in seeking Mr. Northam’s hand? I myself had declared that I wouldn’t seek to change Mr. Northam’s wandering ways. If what Lord Williams had implied was to be believed, Mr. Northam might even be so brash as to bring a mistress into the very house his wife occupied.
But there was still a difference. There would never be pretended affection between me and Mr. Northam, while Lord Williams had led me to believe—
Chagrin rippled within me. Lord Williams had told me that if Mr. Northam had wanted to make me love him, he could. And while I’d sworn it wouldn’t happen, Lord Williams had shown it was possible. It didn’t matter that the engagement had been called off; in the end, he had still broken through my barriers. I didn’t love him, but he’d certainly changed how I felt about him. He’d proved what a fool I was.
This must have been what he’d meant when he’d said he shouldn’t have allowed it to continue for so long. He’d not only intended to keep me from his cousin, but he’d also intended to show how foolish my plan was. He’d thought to make me care for him as a way of proving he’d been right.
Did he know he’d succeeded? That I’d begun to care for him?
And now that the game was given up, he’d decided to return to his normal life. One that didn’t involve me, my plans, and my—
Not my heart; that hadn’t been affected. But certainly my regard.
Curse the circumstances that had placed me next to him that night at the Hickmores’. If only I could disappear and never hear the name Williams again.
I might not be able to leave his estate, but there was no reason why I must remain in the room with him now. I stood. “Please excuse me.” I dropped a quick curtsy. “It was a pleasure to meet you all, but I have just recollected a matter I wish to discuss with my father.”
“I believe you will find him in the library,” Lord Williams said. The lack of formality in his tone caught my attention. His eyes were not as cold as I had expected, but neither were they as inviting as they had been. His agreeableness must have been a result of Miss Perrin’s presence.
“Thank you.”
Instead of searching for my father, I walked to the music room and shut the door. What I needed was my lake. Or at least to be outside. But outside held nothing but a garden too formal to enjoy and a gurgling river that was more annoying than peaceful.
I had to get away. From Lord Williams, from his mother, from his house, and his life.
Yet would this not be my life if I answered Mr. Northam’s letter? Hours spent with my head