The Promise of Us (Sanctuary Sound #2) - Jamie Beck Page 0,98
her earnestness, and to like himself better with her, where he could drop all pretense and persona.
A wan smile appeared. “I know you care for me, and after all these years, it’s been a wonderful surprise. I don’t regret what’s happened, but I can’t pretend to be who I’m not just to hold on to something that we both know has an expiration date. I need something more. Something to build on.” She eased her hands out of his grip. “Every day I spend with you only adds to the time it will take me to get over missing you and wishing things were different.”
It might have been cold enough outside that Logan could see his breath, but his chest burned. “What did Karina say to you?”
“Nothing I didn’t already suspect.”
He raised his arms from his sides, irked and more than a little thrown off balance. “I’m not sleeping with Karina.”
“Not at the moment. But that’s the point. In four weeks, you’ll be in Greece, and in that moment, we won’t be together and you two will . . . you know.” She fluttered her hand as if to suggest sex was a forgone conclusion.
“How do you know?” he snapped.
“How do I know what?”
He rolled his hand, mimicking her. “You assume that I’ll end up in bed with Karina. You assume I won’t miss you or be thinking of you. In fact, I was planning to invite you to meet me in the Mediterranean for a vacation when I’m done working. Maybe Sicily.”
Her lips formed a perfect O until she sucked them in for a moment. “That’s romantic, but we both know I can’t fly to Italy when I couldn’t even drive home from Hartford! I’m not proud of that, mind you, but let’s be real.”
“You love that word, but what’s ‘being real’ even mean, Claire? Reality isn’t some fixed thing. It’s different for everyone, and changes depending on your perception. If you perceive yourself as unable to fly, then you won’t ever fly. If you perceive yourself as unable to experience a relationship as it is instead of as you think it should be, then you won’t be able to explore and enjoy it. If you perceive danger everywhere, then you see danger.” He went to grab his hair and then remembered he’d cut it off. He balled his hands in fists at his sides. “Don’t let your perceptions—your misconceptions—affect what’s happening here. I’m not going to sleep with Karina next month.”
She frowned, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter if it’s Karina in four weeks or someone else in four months. Logan, you run from your home here, always searching for the next new exciting thing. For this little while, I’ve been that shiny new thing. But you’re an explorer. You’ve no interest in a picket fence, nursery school, and a quiet life by the sea. And I don’t begrudge you what makes you happy. I want you to be happy on your journey. I just don’t want to go with you.”
“Then stay here and build your business, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the time we have now and then see what happens when I return from Lesbos.” He stroked her arm. “Are you tired of me?”
“No, that’s not it.”
“Then let this unfold on its own timeline.” He shuddered at the thought of being cast out of her warmth.
She hugged herself, turning away and staring down the street toward the town green. For a few seconds, he thought he’d convinced her to reconsider, and his chest filled with helium.
She glanced up at him. “Is there any chance in the world that you could see yourself happily committed to me, living here in town, and raising a family?”
He froze—as if all the blood had drained from his body—having never given any thought to such permanence. Not with her or anyone. Not ever.
“See.” She thrust her hand toward him, palm up. “Even the idea stops you cold. Letting things unfold when we know it’s only going to hurt me is great for you but terrible for me. Though unintentional, that’d be the result.”
“I don’t know what I want from minute to minute, so how can you know what I want or what will be?” He gripped her waist as if the strength of his hands would make her feel what he felt. “You mean something to me, and you know I don’t say that lightly. I don’t get close to people, but I feel a connection with you, Claire.