The Promise of Us (Sanctuary Sound #2) - Jamie Beck Page 0,33
that I wasn’t pregnant. How you encouraged me to pursue a writing career in spite of the fact that I knew I could never live up to my great-grandfather’s legacy.
“I can’t understand, let alone explain, why I did what I did, Claire. I justified it a hundred ways in the beginning. The way I first met Todd at the coffee shop before knowing that he was your Todd. How I then tried to ignore him once I realized the situation, but that only seemed to make us both more crazed. The way he convinced me we . . . well, it doesn’t matter. Why I thought I could be happy going forward while knowing what I’d done to you I’ll never know.” Her voice cracked, so she paused to sip some hot tea. Claire hoped her face hadn’t winced each time Todd’s name had come up.
Peyton set the small cup down, eyes downcast, and spoke barely louder than a whisper. “Until then, I wouldn’t have believed I was capable of hurting someone I loved. The fact that I’d convinced myself that I had a good excuse is not something I’ll ever get over. I’ve hated myself for it, but I can’t undo it or escape the truth of how selfish I was . . . I am.” She then met Claire’s gaze.
Claire struggled to maintain eye contact but wouldn’t break away. She had to finish what she’d started and remain strong throughout.
Peyton continued, “I don’t expect you to get over it, either. You have the right to all of your feelings. But please believe that I deeply regret what I did. If ever you’re willing to let me be some small part of your life again, I would prove how much I value you. I’ve missed our friendship so much. I swear, I’d never hurt you again, and I’d do anything for the chance to rebuild your trust.”
If only pretty words could erase pain and betrayal. If they could undo the damage and turn back time to the way things used to be, Claire would rejoice.
Warm tears swam in her eyes. Her throat grew thick and sore, her chest heavy. She couldn’t pretend some part of her didn’t miss Peyton—the Peyton from before the Todd debacle. The wild friend who’d always made Claire laugh. But the bigger part simply could not open up her heart to forgiveness. “I accept your apology.”
Peyton broke into a teary smile and stood to hug her, but she stepped back.
“I accept the apology, Peyton, but I’m not ready to be friends. I might never be ready.” Claire watched Peyton’s contrite nod as she took her seat again and readjusted her head scarf. “I know that’s not what you want to hear, but when I look at you, I see Judas. I don’t know how to let you rebuild the bridge you burned. But I won’t hate you, and I’m glad that you’re recovering. I hope, when all is said and done, that you never have to go through another health scare.”
“Claire!” called Lawana.
“You should get your food while it’s hot.” Peyton refolded her napkin across her lap. “Thanks for hearing me out.”
“You’re welcome.” Claire glanced toward the bathroom. “Tell Steffi I’ll speak with her later.”
She turned and went to the hostess station to pick up her lunch, then left the restaurant without looking over her shoulder. She gulped for air as adrenaline ebbed. Thank God for Rosie or she might’ve stumbled all the way to her car. When she got there, she set the takeout bag on the passenger seat and buried her face in her hands.
She’d done it. She’d faced Peyton in public and let her apologize. She’d taken the one step Logan had asked. One that would make Steffi’s life a little easier, too. Whether it would improve hers was up for debate.
She pulled away from the parking space, her finger pressing the dashboard screen restlessly in search of a decent song and settling for DJ Mike D’s remix of “Let It Go.” The hot air blasting her face was suffocating. She blinked a dozen times in a useless effort to clear the image of Peyton’s distraught face.
Her pointless attempts at comfort prompted a derisive laugh. No song, temperature, or spicy bowl of soup would restore her balance.
The problem with taking one step was that the momentum then pulled you to take another and another. Maybe one day she’d be able to take steps toward Peyton without feeling like a ginormous hypocrite, but