The Promise of Paradise - By Allie Boniface Page 0,41
was a drunk driver, so bombed that he never even remembered hitting us. Ran into Cal’s side of the car, square on. Docs said he never felt anything, died on impact. I hope so. ‘Cause all I thought about after that was what if we’d gone to the late show, or what if we’d stopped for a burger the way Cal wanted to? What if that guy hadn’t left the bar when he did?” Eddie’s voice began to shake a little.
“Sometimes I think Cal’s lucky. At least he’s free. I deal with it every day. Every fuckin’ day.”
For a few minutes, his ragged breaths were the only sound in the apartment. Ash didn’t move. Didn’t speak. She didn’t even trust herself to reach out to him in comfort.
Eddie raised a hand and traced the line along his jawbone. “So yeah, that’s what the scars are from. Plastic surgery only does so much. The doctor said he could have gotten rid of this one…” He touched his cheek gently. “But I wanted it. I wanted to remember.”
He stopped talking and sat there for a long time with his eyes closed.
You didn’t need to tell me all this, Ash wanted to say. I didn’t need to know. Yet she knew why the words had spilled from him the minute he’d sat down next to her. It was easy for them. They could sit and not say anything special. They didn’t have to be funny, or flirty, or witty, or even kind. They could just be…whatever they wanted. The realization scared the hell out of her.
When he spoke again, Eddie looked at her with such fierce affection that her heart swooped. “But I’m happy now, Ash, really happy, for the first time in I can’t remember how long.” He shook his head. “After the accident, my life went to shit. I drank too much. I took six months off from work and slept all day. I dated the wrong women just to fill up the nights. I blamed myself for Cal’s death. Still do. Most days, to be honest, I wished I were dead too.”
He stopped and took a breath. “Then I moved in here, and met you, and everything changed.” His hand moved over hers in soft circles, until she felt as though her insides might float away.
“It’s different with you, Ash. It’s like I don’t have to pretend.”
“Eddie, I—”
“I know you’re only here for the summer.” He pulled her close, wrapping both arms around her and murmuring into her hair. “I know that. But Boston isn’t that far away.” His lips moved against her temple. “Maybe we could give it a try. Maybe we could—”
He twisted a little. “What am I sitting on?”
Oh, no. Ash reached to grab the notebook, but Eddie had already pulled it from between the cushions. He smoothed its wrinkled top page and glanced down. “What is…?” His words fell away. When he looked up again, something had fallen across his face, a chilly pall that stole all warmth from his expression.
“Who’s Colin?”
“Eddie, it’s nothing. No one.” She took the notebook and tossed it onto the floor.
“Your ex-boyfriend? The one you never talk about?”
She waved a hand. “Yeah. But that’s over with. He doesn’t matter.” She tried to run her fingers across Eddie’s face and calm the irritation growing there.
“Why are you making lists about him? About him and me?”
“It’s nothing. It’s just…” How could she explain? “It’s something I do sometimes, to sort things out.”
“What needs sorting out? Are you still in love with him?”
“No. But it’s complicated.”
“I thought you said it was over.”
“It is.” And it isn’t.
His voice softened then. “Then tell me about it. About him. Let me in, Ash. For once.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” she whispered. “Really.”
Eddie punched the arm of the loveseat. “I sit here and tell you all about the accident that ripped my life in half, all about the brother I lost, and you can’t even talk to me about your ex? What is it? You don’t trust me?” With every word, his voice raised, until he was shouting.
“That’s not it,” Ash began. “I just…” I can’t get into it, she wanted to say. I can’t tell you about Colin without telling you about my father. And I can’t tell you about my father without telling you my real name. And then you’ll know I’ve been lying to you all along.
Eddie stared at her for another minute. Then he shot to a stand. “If you can’t trust me, there’s no