The Program Page 0,67

doorway. When she catches my eyes, she nods—just like Realm did. As if we all have a secret pact I don’t know about. Maybe now that Roger’s gone, we’ll all sleep a little easier.

The day drags after that, and when I finally make it to dinner in the dining room, Derek and Shep are at my table. “Hey,” they say when I sit down.

“Hey.” I’m not used to talking to them without Realm around, and they look as lost as I feel. “Cards tonight?” I ask, hoping they’ll distract me from missing Realm.

“Naw,” Shep says, pushing away his hamburger. “I want to wait until Realm comes back.” His green eyes are sad, and I want to reach out and touch his hand, but I don’t.

I feel strange, as if I’m hollowed out somehow. I feel vulnerable and empty.

“So you know how he kicked the shit out of that handler?” Derek asks me. I nod, nervous about what will come next. “I heard some of the nurses talking, and they said Roger was dealing medication and Realm busted him. But then the handler said he’d hurt us if Realm turned him in.” He puffs up his chest. “Now obviously I can take care of myself. So I’m going to assume the threat was made on you. It explains why Realm went crazy on him.”

I shrug and poke at the salad on my plate.

“Anyway,” Derek continues, “Kell seems to think they’ll let Realm come back. But they fired Roger. Made him sign some confidentiality agreement with The Program. Can you believe that? He should be in jail.”

“They’d never jeopardize The Program,” I state. “We’re the cure, remember?”

When I look up they’re all staring at me like I’ve lost my mind, and I consider that maybe I have. Maybe this emptiness is where my heart used to be. I stand up, pushing away my tray and head into the leisure room, taking a seat by the window and staring out.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I’VE BEEN IN THE PROGRAM FOR FOUR WEEKS AND eight hours. Realm still isn’t back, but I haven’t given up hope. I don’t remember much of my past, but there is a sense that I was happy once. And it makes me think I could be again.

Tabitha and I are standing in front of the leisure room as she shows me her fingernails. As a reward for good behavior, they let her have some polish, and although her nails are still short, they’re now neon pink. She wiggles them admiringly.

“They look great,” I tell her, also noticing how she’s started to brush her hair.

“Thanks,” Tabitha says. “I leave in two weeks, can you believe it? I think they’re going to let me get my hair done, too. Dr. Warren thinks I’d look better with auburn instead of red. What do you think?”

I shrug. “I like it how it is.”

She smiles as if my compliment truly means a lot to her. But then she notices something behind me and her grin widens. “Sloane,” she says.

“What?”

“Loverboy is back.”

I turn quickly and see Realm walking toward us, his lemon-yellow scrubs freshly pressed. A weak sigh escapes from my lips as my whole body releases my fear. I run toward him and he holds out his arms for a hug.

“You’re okay,” I whisper in his ear the minute he swoops me up, my feet dangling over the floor. He smells like soap and laundry detergent, and I’m so happy I don’t think I can let him go.

“I’m okay,” he says, hugging me tight. When he sets me down, he waves to Tabitha and she giggles and walks away.

Realm then stares down into my face, his skin looking paler. “Did anything happen while I was gone?” he asks, putting his hands on my shoulders and massaging them softly.

“Roger was fired.”

Realm smiles and then hugs me again. “Told you he wouldn’t bother you again.” He rests his cheek on the top of my head. “You didn’t tell anyone about what he offered you, right?” he whispers quietly.

“No.”

“Good.”

“The boys won’t play cards without you,” I say, wanting to change the subject. “I think they miss you.”

“Did you miss me?”

And even though we’re hugging, even though I’m so glad to have him back, I feel strange about his question. “Of course,” I answer, because it’s the truth. I pull away and notice the bandage on his knuckles. When he sees me looking he holds it up. “Cut it on his tooth,” he says. “Two stitches.”

“He looked worse, believe me.”

Realm seems satisfied