The Program Page 0,119
he kisses me back. The sky is darkening from the setting sun, but we climb into the backseat, yanking at each other’s clothes, tongues tangling in a heat that I know I could never have with anyone else. This could be the last time I see him. This could be the end.
• • •
“I think I broke my femur,” James says, as he lies underneath me. “On the console when you were attacking me? I think I broke it.”
I laugh. “Shut up.”
“I didn’t mind, though,” he says conversationally. “Like when you bit my shoulder. It was—”
I reach up and put my hand over his mouth, not moving it even after he licks my fingers. “Shut. Up.” As if agreeing, he pulls me closer, resting his cheek on the top of my head. When it’s quiet, I move my palm and rest it on his chest.
“It was nice,” he whispers, but not jokingly. “It wasn’t weird, either. And that’s . . . kind of weird.”
I close my eyes. “It’s like we’ve been here before,” I say quietly, wondering if he knows the truth.
He doesn’t answer and I put my elbow in the corner of the seat, rising up to stare down at him. He smiles when I do, looking completely and utterly in love with me. “You brought protection,” I say. “Expecting this?”
“No,” he says. “But it’s good to be prepared.”
“You expected this.”
“I hoped, maybe.”
“James!”
“What? I got you a ring!”
I’m still laughing as I lower my head to his neck, resting it there and letting the night fall around us. We’ve probably set off every red flag there is, and yet, I’m not sure I’d change any of it. Being here with James is just—
“You’re right, you know,” he says. “You’re just right for me. And I’d bet my life that we’ve done this before. Because I can’t imagine I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you the first time.”
I smile, looking at the pink ring on my finger, at the fading scar on my wrist, and I think that we’ve been through a lot to get here. And I’m never going back.
• • •
Once we’re dressed and driving again, James stops at the gas station to get us snacks, our improvised dinner. I called Lacey, but when she didn’t pick up I tried her house. Her mother said she was out on a date. I’m just hanging up when James returns with a paper bag filled with beef jerky and a map of local campsites.
This is dangerous. We’ve screwed up pretty big, and yet we’re not trying to change course. Clearly we’ve both lost our minds. My thoughts turn to my parents. Even though I’m angry, I can imagine my father sitting on my bed, staring out my window and wondering if I’m okay, or if I’ve killed myself. My mother is probably on the phone with The Program, begging for them to save me.
I’ve let them down, and obviously not for the first time. After all, they had thought the only course of action was The Program. They let them change me.
“Hey,” James says quietly. I look at him and see the way he watches me, filled with worry. “You’re wasting perfectly good protein.” He motions to the Slim Jim in my hand and smiles, but it’s forced. It’s his way of calming me, I think.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I jump, startled. “It’s from a private number,” I say when I look at it. “Maybe it’s Realm?”
“That would be awesome,” James murmurs, and opens his PowerBar to take a bite as we sit in the parking lot of the gas station.
I don’t respond, feeling guilty for not telling James about what happened, or almost happened, at Realm’s house. I open the message.
I NEED TO SEE YOU IMMEDIATELY.
When I repeat it to James, he scoffs. “Of course he does.”
Realm knows about me and James—our past—so I don’t think this is a social call. He must know that my parents are looking for me. Or The Program found out that he helped me and tracked him down. I’m suddenly scared for him.
“I have to go to Realm’s house,” I tell James quickly, moving to snap on my seat belt.
He tenses. “Why? I didn’t kiss you good enough?”
“Hey!”
James winces. “Sorry. That was uncalled for. What I mean to say is, do you think he’ll taste me on your lips?”
“Hey!”
James closes his eyes, then looks at me apologetically. “I’m not normally a jealous guy, I swear,” he offers as explanation.