How about all the way to when my parents tossed me aside and shipped me off to boarding school?
Or when Xander rejected me the first time, or the second time?
“I don’t know.” I chew on the inside of my cheek.
Her eyes soften as she closes her notebook. “Okay, well…how about we start with how you’re liking school. Are you happy to be back at Ridgeview Prep? How has it been adjusting to not being in London?”
Happy? No.
Confused and overwhelmed? For fucking sure!
“It’s been okay. I made a new friend. Her name is Ellie. She’s really nice. She’s even been bringing me the assignments I’ve missed while I have been out.” That seems like the most normal answer I can offer.
“That’s really good to hear. Making friends is a wonderful first step into settling back in.”
I curl my lips as I fumble with the hem of my shirt.
“I want to dive right into the accident. Are you up for that?”
I suck in a deep breath while nodding.
“Good. Now what is the last thing you remember?”
I close my eyes as I try to think back. “Xander,” I mutter as my stomach knots. “He was with Melina and I couldn’t stay.”
“Couldn’t stay where?” The low timbre of her words whisk by me.
“I had to get away from him. I remember crying and Blaine comforting me.”
“Blaine Montrose? He was the driver of the car, correct?”
I nodded.
“I don’t really remember much after that. Other than waking up in the hospital.” And Xander being there.
“Take me back to seeing Xander. Why did seeing him with someone upset you so much?”
I tug on the end of my long locks, staring at her black kitten heels. “Because we slept together. The night before.”
As the admission left my lips, I wanted to take it back. Saying it out loud made it so much more real. Now someone else knows. It can’t just be a dark little secret buried in my heart.
“Are you and Xander in a relationship?”
I cock my head to the side, locking my eyes with hers. “No. We’ve never been.”
That one hurt to say. Fuck. I am such an idiot.
“Do you want to be?”
My mouth goes dry. I have no fucking clue. I love him, but I hate the things he’s done. I hate how he keeps saying he loves me and then his actions scream a completely different reality. I love how I feel around him — how my body craves his, how comfortable I instantly am in his presence, how he knows exactly how to make me laugh.
All I can do is shrug.
“That’s fine. You don’t have to know. How about after you’re with Blaine, do you remember talking to him? Do you remember getting into his car?”
“It’s all fuzzy.” I wrack my brain. “I remember crying and him putting his arm around me. I remember seeing his car and him holding the door for me. It’s like flashes of memories though, not fluid. Does that make sense?”
I feel like a crazy person. The height of teenage drama. I got into a car with a guy because the guy I really want doesn’t want me. How fucking cliché is that bullshit?
“It does make sense. With what happened to you from your medical file, I am surprised that you have even glimmers of memories. Let’s keep going. What flash comes next?”
I soften my shoulders, rolling my head around as I try to piece it together.
“Blaine and I were talking. He made the wrong turn.” Flash after flash, like clips of a movie reel pop into my brain. “There was a loud bang and then there was a lot of glass.”
I suck in a deep breath, willing my mind to keep the movie playing in my brain.
“Can you focus on what you guys were talking about?” Hilary’s voice breaks in as memories start to flood back in.
Oh my God...
That scar.
He was there.
He was the one who found me on the road after the accident.
My body quakes and trembles uncontrollably. Adrenaline soaks my blood as my heartbeat bounds against my temples. Every nerve in me burns and buzzes as Scarface’s last words assault me.
I mutter them under my breath to myself. “There are no accidents, Charlotte. Your dead brother knows that better than anyone.”
“What?” Hilary asks, putting her hand on my knee. “Can you repeat that last statement?”
My eyes snap to hers as my jaw hangs. “I have to go,” I finally spit out, scrambling to my feet.
“We still have thirty minutes left,” She jumps up, trying to