now that you’ve publicly rejected him.” The thought made my skin crawl, and I pushed my hands through my hair despairingly. “I don’t want to lose one of my oldest friends to some psycho he fucked. Especially to some scrawny twink. Seriously, you can do better.”
Mal raised his eyebrows. “You think so?”
I looked up, and Mal was biting back a little smile.
Okay. So maybe that outburst wasn’t totally warranted. Maybe I was acting a little crazy. “Sorry,” I muttered. “Just a little stressed out.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” Mal said with a warm, but hesitant chuckle. “Maybe we both could use some of Ankh’s advice these days.”
I laughed a little, too, leaning back into the couch and taking a sip of my tea.
“You’re right, though,” Mal said. “I just… I just didn’t want the club this involved in my personal life. I’m not exactly proud of my hookups. And recognizing that there is danger means involving everyone else in the aftereffects of my bad decisions.” He sighed. “I’m the president. I should’ve known better than to get involved with a guy like that.”
“How would you have known?” I asked gently. “Not like he was wearing a sign that said, ‘I’m deranged.’”
“That certainly would’ve made things easier,” Mal grumbled.
“And yeah,” I acknowledged, “you’re the co-president. Which is why we’re going to handle this as a club. And not wait for him to show up again and escalate his harassment even more.”
Mal nodded, then set his tea down. “Thanks.” He pressed his lips together, then his hand fell to my thigh, just above my knee. It was a gentle, reassuring touch, and when I met his gaze, his eyes were soft and thoughtful. His hand resting on my thigh sent sparks careening across my skin, jolting me even more awake. “You always know how to talk some sense into me.”
“I’ve had a lot of practice,” I murmured.
It felt good being this close to Mal—warm and enticing in the low light of the room. It was one of those rare moments when all my responsibilities seemed to fall away, something that hadn’t happened in far too long. I was used to being the one who had to be strong and decisive—as vice president, and a senior member, I was the pillar the members leaned on for support. But with Mal, it didn’t feel that way. We held each other up, with a natural ease I hadn’t felt with anyone since… Since Ankh.
I knew I didn’t have to worry about Mal’s capacity to handle this situation. I could trust him to make the right decision regarding Xavier. With that knowledge, suddenly this conversation wasn’t about the club.
It was about us.
I felt drawn toward Mal. I wanted him, in a way I hadn’t wanted anyone but Ankh in years. And I knew Mal felt it too. He moved his hand, his palm sliding over the fabric of my sweatpants, his fingers barely pressing into the muscle of my thigh.
He leaned closer.
This was happening.
And I was leaning closer, too, as if I were being pulled toward him like a puppet on a string.
He wanted me.
And I wanted him, just as badly. Wanted to feel his full lips against mine, his callused hand on my cheek; I wanted him to press me into the couch and cover me with his strong body and forget about Xavier.
Forget.
My blood ran ice-cold in my veins, and I jerked backward, breaking the hypnotic spell between us. What the fuck was I thinking?
“Sorry,” I said a little lamely. “I’m, uh—” I stood up and stubbed my toe on the coffee table in my haste. “Shit!”
“Are you all right?” Mal asked tentatively.
“Yeah,” I said, but I really wasn’t. I’d almost kissed him. “Sorry. Get some sleep. Holler if you need anything.”
Before Mal could answer, and before he could see the flush coloring my cheeks, I turned and hurried back up the stairs to my bedroom.
In my room, I promptly sat at the foot of the bed and buried my face in my hands.
I’d wanted Mal to forget about Xavier by kissing me. But was I doing the same thing? Trying to forget about Ankh? Logically, I knew it wasn’t the same thing—not even close—but I couldn’t ignore the swirl of guilt roiling in my gut. I’d come so close to making such a foolish mistake. I couldn’t just impulsively kiss my oldest friend—and he wasn’t just my friend, he was a friend of Ankh’s, too. In fact, I’d never known Mal without Ankh by