The Price of Inertia (The Seven Sins #4) - Lily Zante Page 0,100
I like it that way sometimes, I hate giving up my power. I hate her having control of me. Letting others have control of your moods and therefore your well-being isn’t the way to survive, and survival is the only game I play.
I walk up to her, and around her so that I’m facing her. She appears calm, even if she crosses her arms again. “I’m not used to this,” I tell her.
She stays silent. Now she’s playing her game. She’s not going to give an inch. It’s all down to me. I can’t do without her, so I have to bare all.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen, this thing between you and me. I don’t get close. I don’t open up, but you,” I lift up my hand, about to jab my finger in her direction, then stop myself. “You put me in a situation that is new and uncomfortable. A situation I didn’t want to be in.” I stare at her face, at the lips I long to kiss, and I want her to say something. I want her to acknowledge that she heard me.
“And what situation is that?”
“You know what situation,” I cry out.
“Then say it,” she orders.
I bite down hard. Nobody makes me do anything I don’t want to. So why the hell is Mari different? “When you and I ...” I clear my throat. “When we’re ...”
“You want sex,” she states calmly, as if she’s asking me to pass the ketchup.
“You say that as if it’s all I want from you,” I retort. I want something more, something everlasting, sex is fleeting, transient. I want longevity. I want to take a shot at something even though things never worked out for me before. With Mari I finally feel like trying again.
“It is all you want from me. Have you forgotten out last conversation? You can’t communicate. You’re a writer, Ward, but you can’t talk to me.”
All too well, unfortunately. The painstaking silence drags on like a freight train. Heavy and laboured. I wish she would say something. Once again our roles have reversed, how is it that I’m on tenterhooks waiting to hear what she has to say? “I’ve always told you that I’m not good with people.”
“But you’ll take the sex, if you can get it?” she taunts.
The muscles along my jaw flex. I’m in danger of grinding down a few layers of enamel on my teeth because they’re so tightly clenched.
“I missed you. When you were gone over the weekend, I wanted you back here.”
She lets out a surprised gasp. “You’re wondering what I was up to, staying over at Jamie’s place. You’re wondering what we did. You’re wondering why I didn’t come home until late the next night.”
I watch her lips move, and I remember tasting her sweet little mouth and hate that someone else might have touched her. “Did you fuck him?” I spit out.
A look of revulsion flickers across her eyes, her face wrinkling as if she’s tasted something disgusting. “Your imagination is wild. Almost bordering on paranoid, some would say.”
I grasp her wrist. It’s thin, and fragile. I soften my grip not wanting to hurt her. “You behave as if you have a hold on me. As if I matter. As if you care.”
“I do care. I care about you.” I can’t believe I said that to her, and as much as it surprises me, it also seems to catch her off guard. “I do care,” I tell her again, thumbing her wrist slowly. “I might not have said the right things the other day, but I was telling the truth.”
She snatches her wrist away. “You didn’t really tell me anything except that you don’t want to open up. You don’t want more.”
She picks up her vacuum cleaner again, and my anger rises. I’m not done yet. “Where are you going?” We’re not done. I’m not done. I’ve just exposed my inner feelings, and she’s tossed them away like a week old bag of salad.
“Thank you for levelling with me,” she says. “I appreciate it.”
Appreciate it?
Is that all I get? I watch her go up the stairs, only, this time I don’t offer to help. My ego has been dented and I don’t have it in me to be chivalrous.
MARI
I force myself to walk away smoothly, to show that I have it together, but I don’t. I’m clutching the hoover so tightly that it’s sure to leave the imprints in my hand. I feel the heavy weight of Ward’s stare