did my best to shut those thoughts down immediately.
The second I parked at home, I shoved out of the car. I suddenly realized how dark it was and how I was dressed. I felt the hand of the guy from the Underground wrapped around my wrist, heard Colton’s words in my head. I shook my head. No. I wasn’t going to let myself go there.
Still, my feet quickened as I made my way to my apartment. I fumbled with my keys, dropped them, picked them up again. “Damn it.” Now I was freaking out, thoughts of Colton, and the guy at the bar, and on and on… Maybe Jake had done the right thing. Maybe I did need him to step in.
Finally I got the door unlocked and pushed it open. The second I took a step inside, I saw her sitting on my couch. “Mother? What are you—”
“Good Lord, Seth. What in the world are you wearing?”
I stumbled back a step, shame washing over me. I covered my face, then thought of my clothes. I was half naked in front of my mom, who I knew wouldn’t approve. “I…”
“Where have you been? What are you doing? I knew this wasn’t a good idea. I knew letting you come to Oregon on your own would backfire. Close the door. What would people think if they saw you like this?”
Immediately I did what she said. I closed the door, grabbed the blanket that rested along the back of the couch, and wrapped it around myself. I was suddenly that shy kid again. The one who felt insecure. The one who did everything his mom said, and the one who boys like Colton thought they could manipulate to do what they wanted. The one who had always been a little softer than others, a little needier. “Mom, I…”
“Go change. I can’t… What would your father say if he saw you dressed like this?”
That he loved me. He’d always told me that a lot. Maybe he would even hug me or ask me what was wrong because I was sure it was obvious I’d been crying. “Mom, I…” I’m really sad, I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her about Colton and my dreams and that I was in love with Jake but scared he thought I couldn’t take care of myself.
“Where were you tonight?”
I couldn’t tell her I was working at the Underground. She would lose her shit. “It doesn’t matter. Let me get changed, and then we can talk. Why are you here?”
“Because I saw you put a down payment on a new apartment. Between the car and that, plus you’ve been avoiding my calls lately, I knew something was going on. It’s a good thing I came. I don’t think you’re making good decisions, Seth. You’re just like your father. You’ve always had your head in the clouds. His irresponsibility led to his death, and I can’t— I want you to come home. I want you to come back to Philadelphia with me and finish school there. Colton graduated early, you know. He’s already working with his father. They said you can get an internship with them and—”
“No.” The word came out of my mouth without any thought. It was like everything came crashing down on me at once. Colton thinking he could take advantage of me, making me feel bad, making me feel less than because I didn’t do what he wanted. Mom making my decisions for me my whole life, not thinking I was capable of making my own. The guy who grabbed me years ago. The guy who grabbed me tonight. Jake…even Jake. My heart clinched at that one because I knew Jake cared about me. I knew he wanted to protect me and take care of me, but I was so tired of everyone not thinking I could do that for myself. “No,” I said again, this time more firmly.
“I’m not playing games. I have partial control over your inheritance from your father until you’re twenty-five. You come home, or I cut you off.”
“I don’t care!” I shouted, surprised by my own voice. “I. Don’t. Care.” Without my inheritance, and since I didn’t have a steady job, I had no way to pay my bills, but that didn’t matter. I couldn’t do it anymore. “I’m not who you want me to be.” Now that I started, years of anger and pain were ripping to the forefront, climbing over each other to pour out of me.