drove or a helicopter he flew in, but to her, they were almost the same.
“No,” she said. “You’re not. You’ve apparently been holding that in for a long time. I’m sorry that I want what’s best for you, Seth. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
But she didn’t. She wanted to decide what was best for me.
“It’s a good car. I like it. I feel good in it. Like it fits me.” Please let that be enough. Just want me to be happy.
“Well, obviously you’ve already made a decision and don’t care how I feel about it. Now I have to continue worrying about you being on the other side of the country, people like that boy getting into your head, and you making rash decisions that will get you killed like your father. He was always throwing caution to the wind, and I just don’t want the same fate for you.”
No, she wanted me to do exactly what she said. She wanted me under her thumb, and to marry a nice girl, or if it was a boy, someone like Colton and not someone carefree like my dad had been. My being gay was something that was known but not discussed. She wanted me to keep myself closed off like she did because emotions got you hurt, or made you a free spirit like her parents, or have wild streaks like my father. I knew that was why she’d married my stepdad. Not for love, but because he thought like she did. Money was what mattered. Money was safe. “I know, Mom. I’ll be careful. I’m always careful.” I followed the rules. I lived how she wanted. Couldn’t I have this? And Jake. God, I wanted Jake. “I love y—”
She cut me off. “I need to go. I’ll talk to you later.” And hung up.
I sighed, shoving my phone into my pocket, just as there was a knock on my door. I smiled, knowing it was Jake, who was coming to pick me up for our date—hence my nerves, because even though we’d been…dating? I guess that was what we said the other day. I’d never been on an actual date before.
I pulled open the door. “Hey, you.” Jake leaned in, kissed me, then frowned. “What’s wrong?”
The fact that he noticed something was wrong, that he paid attention made butterflies flitter around in my belly. “I got into an argument with my mom. She found out about the car. I don’t want to think about it, though. I want to have fun with you tonight.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. I want to have fun with you too.” He reached inside and grabbed my bag. It was Sunday, and we were doing dinner and then going back to his place for the night. He was driving and would bring me home the next day. “You know,” he said as we walked out to his vehicle, “I want to say one thing: I’m proud of you, for buying your car and the cabinet. You should be proud of yourself too. You deserve to be who you are and want what you want. I like that person. He makes me feel good.”
My heart beat so fast, it felt like it was tripping and falling down a hill. “You make me feel good too,” I admitted. He made me feel like someone who could trade his car in and buy a stupid cabinet, and maybe, just maybe, could do even more.
“Good. Now only happy stuff for the rest of the night.”
He cupped my face and kissed me tenderly again before we got into the truck. We were going to a steakhouse—not a fancy one, that wasn’t either of our style. I hadn’t worn makeup because this was the first time we were going out like this, as a couple. I wasn’t sure if he planned to act like we were a couple; plus, I didn’t know how he would feel being out with a guy in makeup. This was all so new for Jake. I didn’t want to screw up.
We talked about random things, small things, as he drove us to the restaurant. When we went inside, he told the hostess, “Table for two, please.”
As she led us to a four-person booth near the center of the restaurant, I noticed she was pretty, with blonde hair and plump lips, and that she smiled at Jake in a way that said she thought him attractive, not that I could blame her. It made doubt shoot through