Pretty Sweet - Christina Lee Page 0,58
a lot more, and it had everything to do with an adorable guy I could not seem to stop thinking about. Seth and I had seen each another most nights the past two weeks, and we had gotten pretty good at making out, using our hands to explore and get the other off. It was so easy and comfortable with him, and stripped down to our most basic urges, nothing had ever felt hotter to me.
I loved how whenever I took the reins, Seth melted into me, trusting me to bring him pleasure even though I was as new to all this as him. He trusted me to provide that release for him in a safe way, and it made me feel like the king of the world.
Kissing him had definitely become one of my favorite things—along with simply talking and holding him—and I had never felt that way about anyone before.
Still, I didn’t want to get in over my head. I had already given myself away in that text. Truth was, we hadn’t exactly spelled out what we were doing—besides admitting we liked each other—but I figured maybe we should and soon. I never really wanted to date anyone, but I thought maybe I did want to date him, except I didn’t want to freak him out. Or myself. Christ. This was heady enough. Maybe laying down some ground rules would work, so neither of us got hurt.
When I finally got my wits about me, I noticed Mom was wearing a deeper lipstick shade than usual and a pretty blue shirt that brought out her eyes. I didn’t know what that meant—maybe that she was coming into her own. “You look nice, Ma.”
“Thanks, honey.” Her eyes lit up as she enjoyed the compliment. It was nice seeing her more confident. She reached for my hand across the table and squeezed. “Who were you texting with? Seth?”
I looked away. “Yeah.”
She studied me as if waiting for me to say more, so maybe it was time to bite the bullet. She was my mom, after all, and we had been through the wringer together.
“I need to tell you something,” I said as the server delivered a basket of bread and ice waters with lemon. I welcomed the momentary distraction as I lifted the glass and drank the cool liquid to soothe my parched throat. I’d already told Tucker, and Mom should be a piece of cake, right? So why did it feel so huge? Probably because there was this small part of me that was afraid she wouldn’t get it or approve. Christ, I felt like a little kid all over again.
“Is everything okay?” she asked in an alarmed tone. “You look a bit nauseous.”
Sloshy stomach for the win. “I’m okay. Just a little nervous.”
“Then it’s better to get it out,” she said as the server returned to take our pizza order, which Mom quickly gave. We always got the same thing—pepperoni and mushroom. “No matter what it is, we’ll get through it. We always have.”
“You’re right.” I blew out a hard breath. Here goes nothing. “This might sound out of the blue, but…I’m bisexual.” I noticed how she kept her features neutral, but I couldn’t unpack what that meant yet, not while I was in the thick of this confession. “Truth is, I’ve been attracted to a few guys over the years, but I’ve never acted on it.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you’ve been keeping this inside.” She reached for my hand again, and I gave it willingly, needing my mom right then. “I can understand why when you were younger. But you could’ve told me after we left your father.”
Damn, even imagining confessing such a thing to my father made my stomach bunch up uncomfortably. His reaction might’ve ranged from punching me to kicking me out. Or worse—somehow blaming my mom, then smacking her around. He’d done it less often the older and bigger I’d gotten, and especially after a screaming match where I told him I’d kill him if I saw any more marks on her. I had meant it and saw in his eyes that he believed me. And that fear made me feel powerful but also terrified that he could become more erratic. But Dad seemed more careful after that, waiting until I was out of earshot to bully her. By then the damage was done, and words were as devastating, maybe even more destructive. And we were still reeling years later. Thank fuck we were