I went to the table. I moved one of the chairs over by an outlet, and then Bonnie returned. She handed it over, I plugged it in, and began to comb her hair.
“Why aren’t you doing this, Seth?”
“Doing what? I’m doing this right now.” I giggled. Oh boy, I was definitely a little buzzed.
“You know what I mean. Don’t make me pull out the mom card on you.”
We were both giggling after that. I settled down as I began to twist the curling iron with a section of her hair. “Well, I don’t know that I’d be very good at it. I mean, I’m okay, but I’m not a natural like Jesse. Even if that wasn’t the case, my mother would never allow it.”
“I mean this with all due respect, honey, but you’re a grown man. You can do what you want.”
She was right, of course. I knew that in theory. “It’s…difficult. She’s a strong woman, and she has all these expectations. Going into cosmetology isn’t good enough for our family.” That was the tip of the iceberg, really. It was Mom, but it was me too. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I didn’t know if I was good enough, and all sorts of other things.
“I’m sorry. You deserve to be happy. Maybe deep down, that’s what she wants. Have you tried to talk to her?”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, opened them, and began to curl. “Once. It didn’t go well. I didn’t even wear makeup when I lived at home. It’s only been since I moved to Portland. I love my mom, but she’s not like you. I’m free to do what I want as long as it fits into her little box. We make money. People look up to us. We don’t curl hair.” Now that I’d started, I didn’t seem to be able to stop. “I know it’s because she didn’t grow up with much. She wants more for me. She didn’t have much control over anything as a kid, and now she’s obsessed with having it. And then there’s my dad. She’s afraid to lose me like she did him, not that school has anything to do with that part of it.” I didn’t want to let her down. I wanted to earn her love.
When I pulled the iron out of her hair, she turned to me. “But it’s your life. You can’t live for someone else. If you’re happy, then I’m happy. If you’re not, then you should try to be. That’s what I’m doing—trying to be happy. And if you ever want something else, I’d help with that too. I’m a bit of a mama bear. Jake got it from me.”
My stomach flipped a few times at the mention of her son. I was crushing way too hard on this guy I didn’t really know. And I was also…really fucking thankful for Bonnie. She was more than a friend. She felt like a mom. “Thank you. I… Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Nothing to thank me for. Now, no more sad stuff. We’re having fun tonight.”
So that’s what we did. I finished her hair, and she gushed over it. We drank more wine, and she curled mine, and mine…did not look as good as hers did.
Afterward, we were back on the living room floor with some ’80s movie on TV she said she was in love with. I’d never seen it. Something about kids looking for treasure. I’d heard of it, but that was it.
And we drank more wine.
And ate Oreos.
It was the best.
“Oh my God! He’s super hot,” I said, pointing to the guy on the screen. He was the main character’s big brother. “I want a boyfriend. Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” As soon as I said it, I felt stupid, and then I laughed and didn’t feel anything because there was likely more wine in my body than there was blood.
Bonnie laughed. “You’ll find a great guy one day. One who treats you the way you deserve.” She sat closer to me. “Promise me. Promise me you won’t accept anything less than you deserve. I did, and while I don’t regret all of it because it brought me Jake…well, I wish I left earlier.”
I closed my eyes, tried not to think of the one boy who’d tried to use me, who had pretended to like me so he could manipulate me to get what he wanted. And when I hadn’t fallen in